I wrote Andrew Neelands the other day chastising him for not visiting me over the past year. I have know Andrew for many years. He is one of the smartest geeks out there, along with Richard Smith and Marc Jairam. Our conversations range all over the place. Sometimes getting awfully complicated to me, though simple for them.

Andrew and I were talking about the new normal which I have mentioned in the past. The concept of moving upper and lower bars of moderation came up in the same breath. Ah yes, he says, moving the calculus zero. Yeah, right. Think about it. Stop thinking as soon as your eyes glaze over.

I have mentioned many times that I look forward to being visited by everyone. It is one of the few pleasures left. All we have after all is said and done is the pleasure of each others company. I still hear that people are reticent to come forward. They are afraid of invading my privacy, of inconveniencing me. At the root of it all, I am guessing, is that people are unsure of what will happen if they do visit. What to say? How to behave? What is appropriate?

I wrote Andrew to tell him to get his scrawny ass over here. I wrote Richard to let him know that he has not seen me in too long while. He is also in possession of Season 5 and 6 of my Buffy CDs and I want them back. I can get away with this kind of talk with them. These are long standing friendships. No surprise when both came through.

To the rest of you I say this. Write or call the morning you want to visit to make sure I am up to it. I am not shy (have I ever been?) to let you know if it is not a good day. Things change sometimes between the phone call and the drop in. Kali was here the other day. She called ahead, is it OK? Yep, I says, come on over. I was asleep by the time she got here. Things were not so good. Could not open my eyes. I would hearĀ snippetsĀ of conversation when I mustered up the strength to wake up a bit. And that is also fine. I lost my strength. Normal these days.

The conversation gets easier with more visits. I look great. Really do. Everyone is always surprised when they see me. This who see me more regularly discern between the better and not so better days. Others look at me with a bit of a puzzled look. You can almost hear the unasked question, really dying? You just don’t look it.

The situation is surreal. Say it, and say it again. We do all day. Often followed by it sucks. And so it does. We know it, you know it. Let us not waste time with political correctness and the usual decorum that accompanies visits and such activities.

Do not worry about bringing anything. Tea is always ready.

Visit, or I may have to subject you to a scrawny ass eMail.

4 Responses to “Visits”

  1. you're right. my reasoning was that you would want to spend time, your good times, with the people really close to you. but now that i have this explicit invitation, i will call and visit. see you soon.

    • I have to also impose some additional rules, just to preserve our own sanity.

      I would like to restrict visits to be between 12 and 4. I seem to fade significantly after that time. We are leaving the mornings to spend time with one another.

      Visits have to also be limited to about 2 hours. I cannot talk for very long during these times. I run out of breath a fair bit.

      I hope everyone understands.

      Thanks for your coments.

  2. I love the line "after all is said and done, all we have is the pleasure of each others company" – so true. You are going to have line-ups on the front porch after this post. Luckily we can peer in the window while we're waiting:) hugs, Di

  3. Farokh, though we've not yet met, I'd love to change that while there's time; I hesitated, not being sure whether you'd want a relative stranger to visit, and also having been ill and not wanting to bring my germs to you.

    With this explicit invitation, I'd love to come to Toronto to meet you and Janet, and will discuss this with my partner to see if we can make this happen.

    Take care,

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