I have an appointment to talk with Yama at 10 this morning. I am not looking forward to this. Lucky I kept him in the know through it all. We sit in the boardroom and I bring him up to date. I have to liquidate my company. Changing phone numbers, making all sorts of changes. We have to discuss Steve Lennox taking over the account. He makes noises about me coming back. Don’t think so. I will be out of the loop for at least one if not two years. Apparently chemo knocks the shit out of you and it takes about a year for the body to recover its good senses. My future is an unknown at the moment. As far as I am concerned, this is it. Company closed.

He is not happy. Gives a big hug, Middle Eastern style, not the man hugs so popular in North America. We have to tell Jacquie and bring her up to daye. He will send an eMail to the rest of the staff.

Jacquie stifles back the tears and also looks forward to my return. Again, no return. Gone. Company closed. Getting too old for this anyways. Steve will do a good job. They can always call me if needed. She is very encouraging and gives me a big hug. Much better than the one Yama gave me!

I leave shortly after. Do not want to talk to anyone else. This is too emotional. Anyways, I have work to do. I have to advise my other clients of the close and make arrangements to move domains to a different ISP. I go home and send a global eMail to all my clients letting them know that the company is closed without giving away the reason. They will call if they want to know.

This is a week off as it were. I have a CT Scan planned for the next day, but nothing else. The colon operation is set for September 2, with September put aside as the prep day. Surreal does not begin to cover the state of affairs.

Amazing how you can put your emotions to one side when you keep busy. I drive around and meet a couple of people, have a cup of tea and a danish with Lisa at Fairview Mall. Too windy to sit outside so we chat inside for awhile. At some point, I spent some time sitting in the sun thinking of nothing in particular.

We spent Thursday afternoon with Ruth talking about to expect. We suddenly realised that we had no idea what was going to happen on the 2nd. I have never been sick, and never spent any time in a hospital. A virgin. She spent a generous amount of time with us, explaining the extent of the opening they would have to make and what would happen and what to expect. She also made it clear that I would be a lot stronger than we are expecting once at home. Good to know. We have a gazillion stairs from the ground floor to the bedroom. Janet wants me to sleep on the second floor to make life easier for me. I insist that I will make it to the third floor. Neither of us really know what is really going to happen. We just want to be prepared.

The next few days are all about cleaning the office and closing the business. Next big date is the 25th when we meet with the oncologist, Dr David Hedley. I am a big fan of the movie Blazing Saddles in which they make fun of Hedley Lamar (who ended up suing the movie studio). I cannot help but smirk every time we say his name. We look him up on the Internet.

Most days are spent hugging and trying not to panic. Every time the panic urge starts to come, we remind ourselves that we know very little. Wait for next week. Just wait.

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