It is difficult to know what is your worst enemy. Somehow the all seem to be tied in to each other in a big conspiracy.

Sleep deprivation is probably the worst offender. It leaves you defenseless against anything else.

Anxiety comes a number of sources, the most likely of which is lack of knowledge.

Depression, well I don’t know about that one. I think I will stick with the first two for now.

I appear to have tackled the sleep thing very effectively. I do not sleep through most nights and find myself waking up and going downstairs to do something. Invariably, it means eating some fruit, reading the news on the web, watching TV and discovering that there really is nothing on, and going back to bed. We are fortunate to have a bed in the family room that no one is using for the moment. Provides a good place to lie down, toss and turn without disturbing Janet.

Anxiety is a whole different issue. The solution to anxiety, in my case, appears to be knowledge. I was anxious before the operation, though quite numb. The anxiety disappeared once the operation was done and we had a better idea of what to expect.

I was VERY anxious before the first chemo session. The anxiety was exacerbated by the lack of sleep. Janet tells me they were all very concerned over my well being and had no idea what to do to help me. That’s OK, I had no idea what to do either. On the way to the chemo session, I suggested that I would probably be better once the session was done and it became a more known entity.

The second session resulted in a day of anxiety as opposed to what happened before the first session. We are expecting the third session to be even smoother.

There seems to be no end of items to add to your anxiety though. The H1N1 vaccine is the latest. I am definitely on the list of people who should get it. There are side effects, or potential side effects such as fever. I have been told to get the virus as close to the next chemo session as possible. Something to do with the levels of my platelets. I am not allowed to take Tylenols to reduce temperatures that are created from having chemo. I have to go to the hospital if my temperature reaches 38. How do you reconcile this?

My third chemo session is to take place next week. Followed about a week later with a CT Scan to study the effectiveness of the treatment. And that is where the anxiety starts, both before the scan, and after, to the time where we see Dr. Hedley for the results. Janet and I discussed that this morning and we are attempting to come up with plan to do something to reduce the amount of anxiety that we feel certain will take place.

My brother intends to visit me in the next couple of weeks. That will distract me forĀ  while and reduce the anxiety levels. My sister also intends to visit at the same time. The risk, though, is a huge increase of pent up anxiety when they leave. Enough to make you scream and rail at the sky’s.

This too shall pass. We will figure something out.

© 2010 I Have Cancer Suffusion theme by Sayontan Sinha