I found myself being really short tempered for a couple of weeks. It seemed to pass once the Neulasta kicked in. Maybe there was a connection?

The effects of life on the brain and emotions is staggering. I am not sure if those are the right expressions, but it seems you sometimes have little control for what goes on in your head and how it manifests itself. Everyone around you is really careful not to say anything that might upset me. Yet, there it is, the short temper coming out when the phone rings and people say stupid things to you.

One of my pet peeves is the security questions that people like Hydro ask you. What is your name? And now for security reason, we have to verify some information. Your address, postal code and phone number. All three pieces of information are public. Open the phone book. All there. Hardly security questions. I found myself getting more upset than usual at these inane questions. Also at sales people calling from Florida trying to sell me new doors and windows. Insane.

The honeymoon is over. This is a bit like a marriage. At some point you wake in the morning and realise a new normal has set in. Like it or not, this is your new life. Adjust. Get on with it.

I am not in any way, shape, or form, minimizing my plight and the chronic condition I am in. The past two weeks have really brought home the fact that it this is the future. We have to get on with our lives. This means that Janet has to get out more often. People have to be a bit less careful around me. I have to get accustomed to going for naps in the afternoon. I went for a drive this morning to buy bread and stuff for the house. Drove Leslie to her dinner party in the evening. I can do these things, and come home in one piece.

I am not being rushed to hospital for anything. I am as healthy as a cancer patient can be. My immune system appears to be very strong in spite of the cancer. No, it is not easy, but this is the new life. A combination of hospital visits to see Doctors, or get treatments. Then a week of good strong health.

The mother of one of Leslie’s friends died the other day. The mother of one of Janet’s cousins died the other day as well. Somehow, these episodes appeared more dire to me than what I am going through. Seems strange to say this, but all of a sudden, I thought, how terrible. My life went into the background. Theirs seemed so much more important.

I am making plans. Thinking of the future. It’s all good. Not that much energy to carry things out, and a bit scared about that. How can you start a project and do it only every two weeks? But there are options, and most of them can be done online.

Option 1. Become a WordPress expert of some sort. Create themes and plugins that I can sell to others. Maybe set up blog s for people. Others are doing it, and I can to. Certainly fits in nicely with my background. I just need to gain some expertise in WordPress. There are lots of books out there. Also need to become better at markting the blogs. But all that comes with practive and a lot of reading.

Options 2. Become a therapist of sorts to help others with chronic conditions. Take some online courses.

Option 3. A lot of people are pushing me into the art world. Daryl just bought me a wonderful water colour paint set, including paints, brushes, and paper. Included in the package is a free course from her sister who is a painter of some repute. I could become a painter, and incorporate my pictures, and maybe even some calligraphy. The possibilities are endless.

Al I need now is the courage of my convictions to do something. I cannot carry on like this for very much longer. The healthier I get, the more urgent is the need to do something, anything. Word Searches can only help so far.

One more thing, I have not shaved my head yet. It is thinning out, but there is still so much of it, that most people cannot tell I am losing it. For now, the hair stays.

4 Responses to “Short Temper”

  1. I certainly relate easily to the short temper thing. I lost my smile for the two days of having a fever this week, and when I was in chronic pain mode, it was as if any reserve and elasticity disappeared with the least wind. from what I've experienced, it can take a little time and lots of awareness to make adjustments to the flux of whatever the 'new normals' may be… measuring out energy output when there's not much being generated, on its own, is a huge adjustment, especially for someone like you who is accustomed to being on the go….
    such interesting ideas of how/where to aim yourself. look forward to which you move towards.
    a very happy solstice to you all.

    • I have been a fatalist all my life. Not in a stuck in stone pre-determined life. I believe that life keeps presenting you with choices. The choice you make will determine the outcome.

      Throughout my life, doors have closed enabling others to open. I believe this is one of those occasions. All I have to do is choose the right door, no mean feat in itself!

      Hope you get better. Look forward to seeing you over the holidays.

  2. Good evening Farokh,
    It's true what you say, as you get better or stronger, (as in us cancer patients,) we're not sure what we'll be best at. What type of job fits us….At least you can work from home….You can have your own business, but it will take work and determination. By early evening, I am so ready for the couch or bed. Mind you, I have been very busy during the day physically cleaning, or baking, or cooking, or laundry…..etc etc.. I get out most days and walk while carrying stuff. It sure plays me out now. It's all good….we can still live this way Farokh…..thank goodness. Can't wait for the brain fog course. Do you know I was trying to remember this other great appliance manufacturer for you? It was Miele (also German.)

    Oh, I checked about Qi Gong and it's filled for now. I'm on a waiting list for the next one.

    I was suppose to get help from my son today to set up the tree. Well, he finished his exams so he threw himself into WOW for hours,…..Ask your son if he knows what that is, lol.

  3. "Nothing is easy. Everything is possible." My favorite quote these days. You have so many talents. Yes the trick would appear to be which of many paths to choose. I suggest you throw a dart at the list and just start. What's the worst that can happen? False start, then try the next thing. See you soon.–xo

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