My brother leavesĀ  a happy man. I am in better shape than he thought I would be in, and he is already making plans to come back. Our house looks like a hotel of sorts. Beds in every room to accommodate one and all.

The day after he leaves is a disaster for me. I am totally listless and without energy. I am in the worst shape I have been in a while. We try to understand what has just happened. My voice had been returning to normal. I was getting stronger and showing promise. Why would I suddenly collapse to this extent? The conclusion we have come to is that I was high on adrenaline from seeing my brother. The result is what Dr. Kennedy mentioned. A great day is invariably followed by a bad day. You expend your energy on the good day, almost going overboard. The price is paid the next day when you collapsed from the exhaustion of it all.

We spend the next few days recovering from it all. Trying to get back to some more even level. Lots of visits from friends. Lots of food. A few walks though not as many as before. A lot of telephone conversations as well. Most are short, but people just want to know how I am doing. I am also asked whether I mind the visits and the phone calls. The answer has so far been: no. They are all welcome. I expect they will eventually die down.

The other wrinkle in the ointment is that we have a meeting coming up on Wednesday with the oncologist to discuss chemo. More to the point, when to start. This is affecting me more than I expected. The unknown is the worst. We have no idea what to expect from the chemo. Nausea, tiredness, and what else? No one knows for sure. Everyone reacts differently to everything. The unknown. I have not learned to control my emotions over the unknown.

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