I lost the month of February.

I thought I was doing well toward the end of last week, only to be thwarted by, what I can only call, a tsunami of events.

Turns out that it is quite difficult to overcome the effects of Neulasta+cold+chemo+diarrhea. Takes more than my patience can put up with.

Each one of these events takes its own toll, let alone the combination.  I wake up each morning a bit stronger than the previous day, but succumb to fatigue before long.  And I mean before long. An hour, maybe two, and I am off to sleep on the nearest convenient resting place.

I am seeing signs of recovery. Being able to stay up to watch the men’s hockey semi final game that went past midnight was an event. I have not done that in a while. Mind you, I had to take a long nap before to be able to accomplish that. Be that as it may, it was still an event. Slept the next day. That is the price to be paid.

Went to bed last night feeling emotionally drained. I have been told by a few people that I push myself too hard. This has not been possible this past month.

I will get better

I will get stronger

I will regain my emotional stability

I will… I will… I will…

6 Responses to “Lost a month”

  1. dare I say that yes, you will regain the stability and too, you will lose it again. just because that's how it goes. for all of us. the hard-to-bear inconstancy… and through it all, you keep on meeting and surrendering to what is in front of you, limitations, unexpected strengths. I see you doing that.
    it was a treat to have time with you today. God bless.

  2. if you have to lose a month, february is the the best of the twelve. but now spring is in the year, so i hope the turning of the seasons brings a turn for you too.

  3. thinking of you, Farokh, glad to have found your site….Sandy

  4. Ya beat me… I fell asleep for that game! Heard it was a good one.
    Gotta go for lunch or something soon!

  5. You will.

  6. Ditto Sharon S. Succinctly put! That's exactly how it goes.

    Farokh, I also have been pushing myself hard thinking I am back to being somewhat normal but then it all catches up to me. Some nights, or many evenings, my hubby sees me drifting away on the couch. I can't even keep my eyes open. I go all day doing very physical things. Even volunteering is hard bec. right now I am doing something physical. They called me today to ask if I could come in for the dinner hour bec. they are short someone. I said "Yes" so I am not going to do much until I go in. I need my energy to last 5 hours. But you know what? It's nice to be needed. This program goes until end of March, then i will do something less energetic with body and more with the mind. "Brain Fog course, don't fail me!!!!!!"

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