One of the recurring themes is where my inner strength to cope with this is coming from. It is a good question, the answer to which has eluded me.
I attended a Relaxation and Visualisation session at Wellspring this afternoon. There were six of us in the room at various stages of the journey. The session was split into three sections, relaxation, open discussion, and visualisation.
The subject of journaling came up. Two people mentioned that they were journaling. I mentioned that I am blogging, a remark which was met with some silence followed by comments of not having a computer, or being computer illiterate. Journaling is a private affair, while this blog lays all bare.
I made a decision very early on to open this blog. As I have indicated in past entries, the results have been amazing in so many ways. I am truly astounded at the responses I am getting.
One of these comes from the very eloquent Sharon Singer just prior to my second chemo session in which she reminded me of all the people who are holding me during this process.
Janet mentioned in a conversation that she believes all this support results in a human positive energy current that is a web of energy created by all the people who are praying and thinking and talking about you. This came out in a conversation with one of her co-workers whose mother had cancer. That whatever happens outside is as important as what happens inside.
During this afternoon’s session, I was surprised at what appears to me a dearth of support for the other participants. This may be on purpose of course, since people tend to remove themselves from society. A huge quest for privacy.
I am now convinced that a huge part if the inner strength, such as it is, that I am exhibiting is the result of all the support I am getting from everyone, for which, I am eternally grateful.
I was reading your blog out loud while Kali was washing the excrement of aphids off the shefflera plant in her office. We only know it’s bug shit because of the almighty Google search results. Yes, you are absolutely right about the web of positive energy that is created by those who love you and support you. Christians believe in the efficacy of prayer. The thing is, when you have a large extended family and that includes all your friends, you really can’t remove yourself from that society because we care deeply about how you are and how you will be. So keep blogging and let us continue to share with you – we love you.
We laugh, we cry and sometimes pee ourselves reading your entries.
xxoxoxoxoo A gentle hug.
i wonder if a notion from the martial arts might be helpful in the quest for the right attitude towards the cancer. you’d think that martial arts would be all about fighting, but in fact it’s not – it is about awareness. you don’t have to do anything, you just have to be able to clearly see what’s happening, and responses flow from there. in my tradition what is celebrated is the state when ‘the body becomes all eyes’. so you don’t fight cancer, you see cancer clearly. with awareness in every part of your body. i know from my own practice that it is easier said than done, and so much more tempting to act, to do, to use force, to react. love, gita
Hello Farokh,
I’ve been thinking a while about putting up a comment, and this seemed like a particularly good post on which to start as there are many points about which I have something to say! Let’s start with your mention of Janet’s thoughts on a web of love and support. Like so many other here, I read your blog daily and think often of you and Janet and Devin, and although I am so far away when I remember you in my thoughts and words (I speak often of you and this blog to my friends and boyfriend here) I feel as if I am joining in this web of love and caring. The good vibes are rolling across the ocean towards you all the time!
Another point that struck a chord with me in this blog was the response you received about blogging when you mentioned it in your class. You are incredibly frank and open about this experience, and in return (I can see by way of the comments on the blog and your stories in it) others are responding to you. I feel as if, for you, this is a natural extension of your personality and I am not surprised in the least that you have chosen to blog. I think this is because, as I learned while growing up popping in and out of your home, where other doors were closed, yours was always open. I mean this both metaphorically and literally. You have always welcomed friends to your hearth and you have always been open about things which many people hide away and keep quiet about, for example (as you’ve mentioned before on the blog) discussions about religion. Your open and communicating personality lends itself to blogging and I hope, in return, the comments you find here and the experience you have of it are as rewarding to you as reading this blog is to so many of us.
At the risk of blabbing on for ages I will mention one other thing. In a previous post you write about how unexpected discussions and thoughts have arisen as a result of this blog, and how others are engaging with it. I have what might be an unexpected experience, one for which I have great thanks to give. Unfortunately, I have, Devin included, three close friends whose parents are in different stages of healing (fighting? protecting? embracing?) their bodies from cancer. My love and compassion goes out to each of them, and through your blog I am able to understand a little more of what it might mean to have a parent with cancer. Because of this understanding, the thoughts and discussions that you provoke on this blog and in my own head, and the time I spend thinking about these issues, I hope I am becoming a better friend to them with a better chance of supporting them.
Much love to you, Janet and Devin.
So, now “caught up” again. Under my “comment to Comments” (earlier in October) – I had been silly enough to imply that I had difficulty keeping up with your blog, day to day … “during the work week”. I just wanted to remind you that your lessons don’t go unheeded … at my end. “Work Week” is an artificial construct, a box that we put our “normal” lives into. Your very first posts thrashed THAT myth as you observed how quickly you decided to shut down your business.
There is no “Work Week”, there is only this life, day to day. I’m sorry that I forgot for a moment. I’ll do better.
Thank you, once again … for keeping me honest, for sharing your life, day to day. I’m not sure at all what well you have found to draw upon – to produce humor and pathos and … outrageous observations. Encouragement, courage itself, compassion for others. May it not run dry.
I am certain that there is a blanket of love wrapped around you from all the people whose lives you have touched. They are all thinking of you and sending you positive energy. Let us be your network of angels, as you have been an angel to us and helped us all so many times along the way of life. Your giving heart is currently on the receiving end. I am glad you are so open, blogging and letting the love in.
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