My health is deteriorating rather too fast for my own taste. The steroids keep me from running out of breath, but I still find myself breathing hard too often. I am trying to figure out how much of this psychological, and how much physical. I am leaning toward the latter though would prefer the former.

Today has been very difficult. We started the day by going to the funeral home to make our arrangements. We have chosen the coffin and paid for everything. We then went to sign the power of attorney papers effectively giving Janet control of my life. Not that she has not had that unofficially for years, this was a mere formality. Finally, went to the cemetery and chose the plot.

The cemetery is located downtown. We were surprised to find that they still had space. The place was opened in 1830 and is almost full. It is near our house. You get to it by taking a circuitous route, so it is not always in view. Janet can walk to it quite easily. All the lands around it used to belong to the Lamb family. They gave a lot of it away and developed a whole other section. The cemetery is part of those lands, as is a small children’s farm called Riverdale Farm. I will be in good company with the cows, horses, and goats. There is a park in front of the farm in which there is the weekly organic farmers market. Seems somehow ironic.

Lots of traffic, which is a good thing.

Everyone is a bit surprised that we are making our own arrangements. Specially me. A lot of people make the arrangements expecting to die further down the road. To make arrangements with a couple of months left seems to have perplexed everyone.

It is surreal to walk into a funeral home and get a tour. Gee, that is the table I will be lying on. You guys will be sitting in those chairs. Don’t forget to wave. I may have a bit of difficulty waving back, but assume that I have at the very least, attempted to do so. We discussed the casket. Is there special music you want? Any other special needs? Will that be cash or charge? Done.

We had lunch, then made our way to the cemetery. Got a tour of the grounds. These are the plots that are available. You like? We have the location indicated in the above picture by the little yellow flag you can barely see. That is where the feet go.

Are you weirded out yet? We are having these discussions like it is normal. Something we do every day. We have now started working on the program. Who will be the MC? Say prayers? Eulogy? Do you invite people to say something at your own funeral? Do people get up and say what they want? Is there a protocol to all this? Does the protocol change when you are making your own arrangements?

I have chosen the pallbearers and am about to send out the eMails. I don’t even know if the people I have chosen are planning to go to the cemetery or not. I guess I am about to find out. You have to make sure the heights of everyone is close to being the same. I don’t want to fall out or anything because one person is too tall. Maybe I will choose 8 women. Hah! Still have a sense of humour, macabre as it is.

© 2010 I Have Cancer Suffusion theme by Sayontan Sinha