It is difficult to know what is your worst enemy. Somehow the all seem to be tied in to each other in a big conspiracy.

Sleep deprivation is probably the worst offender. It leaves you defenseless against anything else.

Anxiety comes a number of sources, the most likely of which is lack of knowledge.

Depression, well I don’t know about that one. I think I will stick with the first two for now.

I appear to have tackled the sleep thing very effectively. I do not sleep through most nights and find myself waking up and going downstairs to do something. Invariably, it means eating some fruit, reading the news on the web, watching TV and discovering that there really is nothing on, and going back to bed. We are fortunate to have a bed in the family room that no one is using for the moment. Provides a good place to lie down, toss and turn without disturbing Janet.

Anxiety is a whole different issue. The solution to anxiety, in my case, appears to be knowledge. I was anxious before the operation, though quite numb. The anxiety disappeared once the operation was done and we had a better idea of what to expect.

I was VERY anxious before the first chemo session. The anxiety was exacerbated by the lack of sleep. Janet tells me they were all very concerned over my well being and had no idea what to do to help me. That’s OK, I had no idea what to do either. On the way to the chemo session, I suggested that I would probably be better once the session was done and it became a more known entity.

The second session resulted in a day of anxiety as opposed to what happened before the first session. We are expecting the third session to be even smoother.

There seems to be no end of items to add to your anxiety though. The H1N1 vaccine is the latest. I am definitely on the list of people who should get it. There are side effects, or potential side effects such as fever. I have been told to get the virus as close to the next chemo session as possible. Something to do with the levels of my platelets. I am not allowed to take Tylenols to reduce temperatures that are created from having chemo. I have to go to the hospital if my temperature reaches 38. How do you reconcile this?

My third chemo session is to take place next week. Followed about a week later with a CT Scan to study the effectiveness of the treatment. And that is where the anxiety starts, both before the scan, and after, to the time where we see Dr. Hedley for the results. Janet and I discussed that this morning and we are attempting to come up with plan to do something to reduce the amount of anxiety that we feel certain will take place.

My brother intends to visit me in the next couple of weeks. That will distract me forĀ  while and reduce the anxiety levels. My sister also intends to visit at the same time. The risk, though, is a huge increase of pent up anxiety when they leave. Enough to make you scream and rail at the sky’s.

This too shall pass. We will figure something out.

9 Responses to “Anxiety”

  1. I know what you mean about not sleeping as I had to go through that through the hard periods of my life. I have to admit that the computer is actually pretty good at tackling that. I think the best solution is to NOT try to go to sleep. Fighting it makes it more frustrating.

    I don’t know if you have it or not, but if you’re going to go to the web I highly recommend stumbleupon. You can install it on firefox and simply say the things you are interested in, and then start stumbling, which is basically going jumping between interesting links that people with similar interests have found. It’s GREAT at wasting time. I can easily spend hours reading stuff there because it’s always random.

    Thinking of you and sending you good vibrations, thanks for writing this blog.

    • I have never had a use for stumbleupon, but it is a good idea at this time. i will definitely install it now!

  2. i know what you mean about anxiety. so far i’ve mainly experienced it about my children, and esp. my darling hans. when your mind just circles and circles the possible disasters, and refuses to go anywhere else. oh, i hate that. i sympathize. love, gita

  3. Hi Farokh, I feel awful I am only finding out about your body betrayal today through my sister. Your blog is amazing. Once I heard your news I put aside all outstanding proposals (or, rather, proposals outstanding) and other childish things to begin to immerse myself in your incredible journey (those cats and dog had it easy!). Next time at chemo, please look out for my lovely English friend Susie Townley (dark short hair) who is a nurse at PMH. She will look out for you too xxxoo Anne

  4. Hi Farokh,

    Thanks for sending me the link so I can reduce my anxiety by knowing a little about how it is going for you. I am amazed by your wonderful network even though I shouldn’t be because it is you. I am amazed by your honesty and again I should not be. My prayers are with you and your family as you face the unknown with your faith and friends. As usual, you are unique in your way of handling the situation and I know you will figure out something ingenious to cope with the anxiety. I think it will involve an even deeper faith and trust because fear is the lack of trust that God knows what he is doing. In our darkest moments, I believe God is there the strongest. Hugs Sue

    • Ahhh, God.

      The One who got me into this mess to begin with! I wish He would share why he is doing this wth me. Would certainly reduce the anxiety.

      You are always welcome to call.

  5. Ifinally found your blog site, after everyone told me how good a job you were doing at expressing your feelings and keeping up with your progress. What they did not say is your blog is all one word, not sparated with spaces in between. Let me tell you there are a million of the others.being somewhat visually impared I have not had a chance to come and see you, but will soon. Have read your past missives and will remark on the most recent. ANXIETY:As an expert on lack of sleep I think anxiety and lack of sleep are intimately bound, and its easy to create anxiety over anything or anybody and very difficult to distinguish from reality.Im happy to read that getting up and about on those occasions will distract you enough ,so that you can get back to sleep . Even though it is difficult, creating new anxieties by looking head is a no no, unless you remain positive at all times on future events.All easier said then done, but if anybody can do it you can

    • The blog renders much like a web page. You may have to log out and back in to make it show properly. Though writing the whole thing s one word would be an interesting challenge!

  6. Completely I share your opinion. Idea excellent, I support.

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