Another week of turmoil.
We finally made it the One of Kind Show. I was exhausted for some reason, woke up in the afternoon and insisted we go. Let us not miss this opportunity. We got there, rented and electric scooter and rolled inside. The scooter was the best thing we did. I even took my oxygen tank to emphasize the point. We lasted about 2.5 hours at the show, then made our way home.
I was amazes at the rudeness of people regarding the use of the scooter. Some cut you off, others made comments just loud enough for you to hear, others did not get out of the way. All very interesting, and unnecessary. To make matters worse, it was a terrible show. I was standing in front of a painting at one point when another vendor showed up and the started talking about this that and another including the show itself. I stayed there for quite a while admiring the painting, but no one came to ask me if I wanted to buy it. I was not about to get out of my chair. Not the easiest thing to do. I left.
I have been knocked out for the couple of days. The doctors have reassured Janet that the show is the reason. I am eating well, and drinking not bad. One does not go from eating to dead overnight. Janet woke me up this afternoon to eat. It was very difficult for me to even open my eyes. Same thing this evening. Come down for dinner. Could barely open my eyes, so stayed in bed. Could have easily stayed asleep all night.
I woke up around 11:30, suddenly awake and lots of energy. Janet decided I should take advantage of the energy to update the blog since so many people are concerned by the lack of communication.
I must say it is a very strange feeling that I am going through. Quite scary on one level, well, on any level you can possibly imagine. Not sure where any of it is going. Janet keeps asking me what is going on. The simple answer is I am dying and all the thoughts and tribulations that go along with that. Sounds like a simple process, but get complicated really fast, and really does not explain everything. Is this a waiting game? Wake up in the morning and just sit around and wait to see what happens?
After my exceptionally brilliant piece on people visiting me, we are are finding ourselves cancelling visits. Cannot handle the conversation. We have at the very least, curtailed visits, limiting them to something we think we can handle. All very confusing to us, let alone to those wishing to grace us with the presence.
The blog is helping a lot with thinking through things. I have a visit with my psychiatrist this Friday, see how that goes. I am looking forward to it. There are a number of thoughts going through my head that are linked to the legacy post which I have promised and yet to deliver. It is coming, I promise. Have to get the thoughts in order. getting more complicated as we move forward.
The blog is getting very big, and we are running into technical issued. You may find it down sometimes. The techs are doing their best to keep it up and running. I am also trying to find a podcast from a CBC interview that talks about the fact that we shuld be preventing cancer, and not cure it since there is not cure for it. I have mentioned that many time before, but he has accreditations behind his name which makes him an authority so we have to listen to him. Yeah for accreditations.
All this to say I appear to be good. Blood pressure where it should be, blood counts where thy aught to be. We will get past this exhaustion thing as well. We are also going to try and get a handicap sticker for the car. I guess we can use the oxygen as the excuse. It will be good to have one. You get access to all the handicap parking spots, and can park just about anywhere you want. I am not driving any more. Do not trust the reflexes. I may also not be able to lift my feet to reach the brake pedals fast enough. Janet can take advantage of it.
All for now. Good night.
Hey Farokh, thank you for updating! I too have now been 'hooked' to your blog to make sure that you are somewhat 'hanging' in there. Is your psych appointment here at PMH? If you get a chance, come and visit…you and Janet know where to find me. Try not to do more than you can with your usual DAL, it will definitely knock you out for a couple of days to try and re-cooperate yourself. Good to hear your B/P & counts are where it should be. See you soon!
Thank you for sharing your experience, wisdom and candid view on life. No one can imagine what your experience is until they are there but in sharing your story, I would like to thank you for bringing awareness to how we treat each other, especially those getting around in scooters moving through crowds to simply have access to everything we all have the right to experience. Your story on getting around at the airport recently was enlightening and disappointing with how you and the older woman were treated. Some people can be so short sighted some times!
I wish you many more peaceful days and the energy to handle visits with your friends and family. Janet sounds like an angel and I hope she is getting all the support she needs in caring for you. I look forward to reading many more blogs from you
Love and warmest regards,
Amanda
Chris' father got a handicap sticker for his car. He used to joke that he might as well use it! When I went to France last June bent over like a granny, and whenever we had the car, even without Tony, we used the sticker to park in the good spots. I felt a little guilty at one point (after all, when Tony wasn't there we were mis-using it, surely!) until someone quite rightly pointed out that a) i really was handicapped and b) anyone who saw me walking along bent double with my walking sticks wasn't going to challenge me. I say get one! Get the good parking spots, especially as the winter's cold (and possibly snow?) start to hit us.
It is interesting how people react. There are stares and people who don't even hold doors open. Why is this? Are we culturally poor at handling differences? Are individuals too caught up in themselves? I don't understand how we work sometimes.
Thanks for updating–as your visits are being curtailed I think I shall just have to 'visit' you via the blog, and leave lots of long responses such as this one.
My love to you and to Janet.
So glad you got out, and got online with your update. I just talked to Doug who let me know you had posted a new entry. We're all watching for them. Xxoo
You may feel tired, Farokh, but your writing still has incredible energy.
Farokh, i leave for india soon, i'd love to have quick visit if you are up for it. i'll call tomorrow. hugs, kisses, much love.