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  • About 

    August 31, 2009, 10:31

    My name is Farokh Monajem. I ran into some digestive problems in the middle of June 2009. Janet (my wife) was out of town on business, which was not a big…

  • AntiCancer, by David Servan-Schreiber, M.D., Ph.D 

    October 5, 2009, 17:26

    I was given this book by Nancy Vonk almost as soon as I was diagnosed. A doctor who is diagnosed with a brain tumour, relies heavily on the prevailing science…

  • Comments are garbled 

    February 6, 2010, 15:27

    A number of you have mentioned that the comments filed is garbled. A best as I can make out the solution to this issue is as follows: For Windows Users Upgrad…

  • Fear - List 

    November 15, 2009, 09:01

    Fear Scientific Abuse: sexual Contreltophobia Accidents Dystychiphobia Air Anemophobia Air swallowing …

  • Interesting Articles 

    October 24, 2009, 04:31

    From the Globe and Mail, article on putting the patient first in health care services From the BBC regarding the risks of breast cancer returning in denser…

  • Login 

    December 19, 2009, 19:01

    No description found for this item.

  • Table of Contents 

    November 4, 2009, 23:49

    No description found for this item.


My Blog

  • Category: 5FU  (1)
    • Blazing the trail by: Farokh

      June 21, 2010, 17:53

      This has not been a stellar day. I have been very tired. I am guessing the Neulasta is taking its toll, quietly exercising its options on the bone marrow. The…

  • Category: abandonment  (1)
    • Abandonment by: Farokh

      April 17, 2010, 08:53

      Cancer is a strange condition to find yourself in. I have written about this before.  People react as if you are dead already. They are then quick to tell you…

  • Category: accidents  (2)
    • Thanks to the Frasers by: Farokh

      May 9, 2010, 08:02

      As you may or may not know by now, we spent a weekend at the Fraser farm in Caledon, about an hour north of Toronto. They were not there. They gave us the key…

    • What a week! by: Farokh

      April 6, 2010, 08:01

      Back to chemo daycare after an extra week off to celebrate the Baha'i New Year. That was on March 25. A very uneventful day as all visits to the Chemo Daycare…

  • Category: anger  (1)
    • Princess Margaret, I have to complain by: Farokh

      May 19, 2010, 11:59

      Following is a transcript of the eMail exchange I had with the customer service person at the Princess Margaret Hospital. But first, some background. I had…

  • Category: arrangements  (1)
    • A hard day - October 19, 2010 by: Farokh

      October 27, 2010, 12:06

      My health is deteriorating rather too fast for my own taste. The steroids keep me from running out of breath, but I still find myself breathing hard too…

  • Category: artist  (1)
    • Expectations, suppression, and regrets by: Farokh

      November 16, 2010, 02:45

      I decided a number of years ago that regrets hold you back. You keep living in the I wish I had world instead of taking the future by storm. I do have two…

  • Category: blood count  (3)
    • Cancelled Chemo by: Farokh

      May 9, 2010, 08:41

      Chemo on May 4th was postponed by about a week. My white blood cell count was very low at 0.8. Janet was right on the weekend. Dr. Hedley recommended I do…

    • Chemo Session - Number 18 by: Farokh

      July 23, 2010, 12:32

      Chemo Session number 18 is now under my belt. No surprises with my reaction. This may or may not be a good thing. We are seeing the oncologist on Wednesday for…

    • Update - November 26, 2010 by: Farokh

      November 26, 2010, 06:38

      I have not written an update in a while. I am stuck between the three thoughts at the moment, the third is the most personal and complicated of the three. Not…

  • Category: cancer  (29)
    • Abandonment by: Farokh

      April 17, 2010, 08:53

      Cancer is a strange condition to find yourself in. I have written about this before.  People react as if you are dead already. They are then quick to tell you…

    • Art Therapy: Session 4 by: Farokh

      November 25, 2009, 18:11

      This is a turning point in the Art Therapy blog posting. I was expecting this to happen. The only unfortunate part is that the objections have come form people…

    • Blazing the trail by: Farokh

      June 21, 2010, 17:53

      This has not been a stellar day. I have been very tired. I am guessing the Neulasta is taking its toll, quietly exercising its options on the bone marrow. The…

    • Bummed Out by: Farokh

      June 26, 2010, 12:06

      That is a strange expression if ever there was one. Janet and I went through a brief phase where we attempted to determine the origin of our expressions. It…

    • Chemo - Session 15 by: Farokh

      June 9, 2010, 18:00

      All things become normal after a while. Repeat something often enough and you begin to believe it. So it goes with Chemo. I remember the trepidation of the…

    • Chemo Session - Number 18 by: Farokh

      July 23, 2010, 12:32

      Chemo Session number 18 is now under my belt. No surprises with my reaction. This may or may not be a good thing. We are seeing the oncologist on Wednesday for…

    • Chemo Session: Number 16 by: Farokh

      June 20, 2010, 09:15

      I took public transit to the hospital. Janet and Devin are both working. This is really a non-issue. The streetcar is almost at our door. Very convenient.…

    • Crisis by: Farokh

      August 16, 2010, 09:20

      Do we really need a crisis to bring people together. It turns out that we do.

    • Fear of Death by: Farokh

      November 15, 2009, 10:55

      Fear is so debilitating. Most are such a waste of emotions. Not having fear would ruin a good horror movie, mind. The static pages section on the right has…

    • Getting a Second Opinion by: Farokh

      July 15, 2010, 14:04

      A second opinion appears to be a must in most situations. It generally is prompted by bad news, or a distrust of the first opinion.

    • Linear and Lateral Thinkers by: Farokh

      August 31, 2010, 11:44

      Lateral and linear thinkers are both needed to run society. One does and the other sees connections where none appear to exist.

    • Montreal - July 1, 2010 by: Farokh

      July 11, 2010, 14:03

      We took a week off Chemo treatments to visit friends and relatives in Montreal

    • Neglectful by: Farokh

      October 19, 2009, 22:46

      I have been neglectful, as Sharon has so kindly pointed out. Last Thursday was not a good day. As I have said many time, not sure why some days go good and…

    • New treatments by: Farokh

      August 8, 2010, 11:41

      What do you do with yourself when on Chemo vacation. The idea of the vacation is not a positive one. You are on vacation because the tumors have stopped…

    • Not enough words by: Farokh

      October 5, 2010, 11:16

      Bad news is the motto of the day as the colon cancer is getting worse. No new organs affected, but the ones that are seem to be having a grand time. Pain,…

    • Oncologist Visit - Wednesday July 21 by: Farokh

      July 23, 2010, 15:08

      Seeing the oncologist and negotiating a Chemo Vacation for a couple of months. The news is overwhelming.

    • Positive Thinking by: Farokh

      September 25, 2010, 11:53

      What part does positive thinking play in allaying chronic conditions? Think positively and you will get that job, that car, that whatever. What about a chronic…

    • Ronak Shah - a Response by: Farokh

      March 30, 2010, 15:35

      Thank you for visiting, reading and commenting. Have you had cancer? Not that I would wish this on anybody. Cancer creates a journey of discovery. About…

    • Ronak Shah – a Second Response by: Farokh

      April 1, 2010, 15:38

      Some rules of engagement first: 1. Do not insult or denigrate my mother 2. Do not insult or denigrate my doctors 3. Do not insult or denigrate my…

    • Some thoughts by: Farokh

      May 19, 2010, 11:25

      I am going through a bizarre set of events. I keep thinking and thinking and the thoughts provoke new thoughts, and I reverse my position don't care about this…

    • Sunday is Thursday by: Farokh

      November 23, 2009, 10:15

      Last week was bad. Slept badly in spite of not feeling guilty about it. A whole bunch of side effects, which we believe to be from Avastin. My skin has…

    • The Circle of Life by: Farokh

      October 16, 2010, 12:35

      Death comes in unexpected ways, some suddenly, others planned ahead. I am one of the latter. I will be gone in the next two to four moths, maybe longer, but…

    • The Doctors have spoken by: Farokh

      April 14, 2010, 18:36

      This has been a busy week. Met with the surgeon yesterday. She is still very happy with the rate of progress. No talk of reconnecting the rectum to the…

    • The Week that Was - Ended February 6, 2010 by: Farokh

      February 6, 2010, 15:15

      This was a good week overall. A bit of trepidation getting mentally ready for the chemo session. Not sure why there is any trepidation. This has become an…

    • Think, talk, cry, talk, cry by: Farokh

      September 28, 2009, 18:34

      The full import of the situation is slowly settling in. Hard to avoid the issue now that you have a shit-bag connected to your stomach. The word useless…

    • Three Cats by: Farokh

      November 30, 2009, 19:38

      We have three cats in our house. You should probably skip this post if you are allergic to cats. Our cats have all been trained to come when you whistle.…

    • Update for December 2, 2010 by: Farokh

      December 2, 2010, 02:32

      Another week of turmoil. We finally made it the One of Kind Show. I was exhausted for some reason, woke up in the afternoon and insisted we go. Let us not…

    • Vacation - Good news or bad? by: Farokh

      July 27, 2010, 17:36

      Chemo vacation brings its own set of thoughts to the surface.

    • World Cancer Day by: Farokh

      February 5, 2010, 10:54

      Yesterday. You read all abot it in the newspapers, saw the press releases. No? Surprisingly badly supported day. I was at the Chemo Daycare yesterday, and…

  • Category: cemetery  (1)
    • A hard day - October 19, 2010 by: Farokh

      October 27, 2010, 12:06

      My health is deteriorating rather too fast for my own taste. The steroids keep me from running out of breath, but I still find myself breathing hard too…

  • Category: chemo  (15)
    • Blazing the trail by: Farokh

      June 21, 2010, 17:53

      This has not been a stellar day. I have been very tired. I am guessing the Neulasta is taking its toll, quietly exercising its options on the bone marrow. The…

    • Bummed Out by: Farokh

      June 26, 2010, 12:06

      That is a strange expression if ever there was one. Janet and I went through a brief phase where we attempted to determine the origin of our expressions. It…

    • Cancelled Chemo by: Farokh

      May 9, 2010, 08:41

      Chemo on May 4th was postponed by about a week. My white blood cell count was very low at 0.8. Janet was right on the weekend. Dr. Hedley recommended I do…

    • Chemo - Session 15 by: Farokh

      June 9, 2010, 18:00

      All things become normal after a while. Repeat something often enough and you begin to believe it. So it goes with Chemo. I remember the trepidation of the…

    • Chemo Session - Number 17 by: Farokh

      July 11, 2010, 11:48

      Another Chemo session under the belt, as it were. The routine of these session is a bit disquieting and yet welcome at the same time.

    • Chemo Session - Number 18 by: Farokh

      July 23, 2010, 12:32

      Chemo Session number 18 is now under my belt. No surprises with my reaction. This may or may not be a good thing. We are seeing the oncologist on Wednesday for…

    • Chemo Session: Number 16 by: Farokh

      June 20, 2010, 09:15

      I took public transit to the hospital. Janet and Devin are both working. This is really a non-issue. The streetcar is almost at our door. Very convenient.…

    • Montreal - July 1, 2010 by: Farokh

      July 11, 2010, 14:03

      We took a week off Chemo treatments to visit friends and relatives in Montreal

    • Neglectful by: Farokh

      October 19, 2009, 22:46

      I have been neglectful, as Sharon has so kindly pointed out. Last Thursday was not a good day. As I have said many time, not sure why some days go good and…

    • New treatments by: Farokh

      August 8, 2010, 11:41

      What do you do with yourself when on Chemo vacation. The idea of the vacation is not a positive one. You are on vacation because the tumors have stopped…

    • Not enough words by: Farokh

      October 5, 2010, 11:16

      Bad news is the motto of the day as the colon cancer is getting worse. No new organs affected, but the ones that are seem to be having a grand time. Pain,…

    • Oncologist Visit - Wednesday July 21 by: Farokh

      July 23, 2010, 15:08

      Seeing the oncologist and negotiating a Chemo Vacation for a couple of months. The news is overwhelming.

    • Positive Thinking by: Farokh

      September 25, 2010, 11:53

      What part does positive thinking play in allaying chronic conditions? Think positively and you will get that job, that car, that whatever. What about a chronic…

    • The Circle of Life by: Farokh

      October 16, 2010, 12:35

      Death comes in unexpected ways, some suddenly, others planned ahead. I am one of the latter. I will be gone in the next two to four moths, maybe longer, but…

    • Vacation - Good news or bad? by: Farokh

      July 27, 2010, 17:36

      Chemo vacation brings its own set of thoughts to the surface.

  • Category: clinical trial  (3)
    • Linear and Lateral Thinkers by: Farokh

      August 31, 2010, 11:44

      Lateral and linear thinkers are both needed to run society. One does and the other sees connections where none appear to exist.

    • Not enough words by: Farokh

      October 5, 2010, 11:16

      Bad news is the motto of the day as the colon cancer is getting worse. No new organs affected, but the ones that are seem to be having a grand time. Pain,…

    • The Circle of Life by: Farokh

      October 16, 2010, 12:35

      Death comes in unexpected ways, some suddenly, others planned ahead. I am one of the latter. I will be gone in the next two to four moths, maybe longer, but…

  • Category: colostomy  (3)
    • Air Conditioning by: Farokh

      July 13, 2010, 11:12

      We had to install and AC unit to pacify the man with the chronic condition. Bad enough to have Chemo eating away at you without having to put up with the heat.

    • Neglectful by: Farokh

      October 19, 2009, 22:46

      I have been neglectful, as Sharon has so kindly pointed out. Last Thursday was not a good day. As I have said many time, not sure why some days go good and…

    • Think, talk, cry, talk, cry by: Farokh

      September 28, 2009, 18:34

      The full import of the situation is slowly settling in. Hard to avoid the issue now that you have a shit-bag connected to your stomach. The word useless…

  • Category: consciousness  (2)
    • Dear Iggy, by: Farokh

      November 11, 2010, 04:42

      What a question to ask, the answer to which is the goal of most people. How do we separate what is important in life from the other stuff? How do we go about…

    • Montreal - September 2010 by: Farokh

      September 18, 2010, 16:57

      A visit to Montreal accentuated by a visit to Hong Lan where I watched a video outlining the rules that make our bodies what they are. Genes, cells, nature,…

  • Category: crying  (3)
    • Crying - A Clarification by: Farokh

      June 27, 2010, 10:12

      I have received comments on this blog, personal comments, and comments through eMail about my post in which I talked about crying. Let me clarify my…

    • Montreal - July 1, 2010 by: Farokh

      July 11, 2010, 14:03

      We took a week off Chemo treatments to visit friends and relatives in Montreal

    • Think, talk, cry, talk, cry by: Farokh

      September 28, 2009, 18:34

      The full import of the situation is slowly settling in. Hard to avoid the issue now that you have a shit-bag connected to your stomach. The word useless…

  • Category: ct-scan  (2)
    • Not enough words by: Farokh

      October 5, 2010, 11:16

      Bad news is the motto of the day as the colon cancer is getting worse. No new organs affected, but the ones that are seem to be having a grand time. Pain,…

    • The Precipice by: Farokh

      July 17, 2010, 16:32

      Metaphors explain everything making things clearer. Such is this entry looking at our life as if hanging over the edge of a precipice, a hole waiting to claim…

  • Category: DalCM-P  (1)
    • New treatments by: Farokh

      August 8, 2010, 11:41

      What do you do with yourself when on Chemo vacation. The idea of the vacation is not a positive one. You are on vacation because the tumors have stopped…

  • Category: death  (4)
    • Crisis by: Farokh

      August 16, 2010, 09:20

      Do we really need a crisis to bring people together. It turns out that we do.

    • One Year Anniversary by: Farokh

      September 3, 2010, 18:47

      Thoughts about losing a day to an operation and having no recollections of what has happened. Is that what death is like?

    • The Circle of Life by: Farokh

      October 16, 2010, 12:35

      Death comes in unexpected ways, some suddenly, others planned ahead. I am one of the latter. I will be gone in the next two to four moths, maybe longer, but…

    • The Precipice by: Farokh

      July 17, 2010, 16:32

      Metaphors explain everything making things clearer. Such is this entry looking at our life as if hanging over the edge of a precipice, a hole waiting to claim…

  • Category: doctor visits  (14)
    • Bummed Out by: Farokh

      June 26, 2010, 12:06

      That is a strange expression if ever there was one. Janet and I went through a brief phase where we attempted to determine the origin of our expressions. It…

    • Chemo Session - Number 18 by: Farokh

      July 23, 2010, 12:32

      Chemo Session number 18 is now under my belt. No surprises with my reaction. This may or may not be a good thing. We are seeing the oncologist on Wednesday for…

    • Chemo Session: Number 16 by: Farokh

      June 20, 2010, 09:15

      I took public transit to the hospital. Janet and Devin are both working. This is really a non-issue. The streetcar is almost at our door. Very convenient.…

    • Getting a Second Opinion by: Farokh

      July 15, 2010, 14:04

      A second opinion appears to be a must in most situations. It generally is prompted by bad news, or a distrust of the first opinion.

    • New treatments by: Farokh

      August 8, 2010, 11:41

      What do you do with yourself when on Chemo vacation. The idea of the vacation is not a positive one. You are on vacation because the tumors have stopped…

    • Oncologist Visit - Wednesday July 21 by: Farokh

      July 23, 2010, 15:08

      Seeing the oncologist and negotiating a Chemo Vacation for a couple of months. The news is overwhelming.

    • One Year Anniversary by: Farokh

      September 3, 2010, 18:47

      Thoughts about losing a day to an operation and having no recollections of what has happened. Is that what death is like?

    • Palliative Care by: Farokh

      November 5, 2010, 12:41

      Our care has now been moved over to palliative care. All the rugs prescriptions are now in their hands. We met with Kelly, the nurse, and Dr. Julie…

    • Poo by: Farokh

      November 5, 2010, 09:27

      We ended back in emergency on Saturday afternoon suffering from severe abdominal pain. These visits are now becoming part for the new normal. It is always…

    • The Circle of Life by: Farokh

      October 16, 2010, 12:35

      Death comes in unexpected ways, some suddenly, others planned ahead. I am one of the latter. I will be gone in the next two to four moths, maybe longer, but…

    • The Doctors have spoken by: Farokh

      April 14, 2010, 18:36

      This has been a busy week. Met with the surgeon yesterday. She is still very happy with the rate of progress. No talk of reconnecting the rectum to the…

    • Update - November 26, 2010 by: Farokh

      November 26, 2010, 06:38

      I have not written an update in a while. I am stuck between the three thoughts at the moment, the third is the most personal and complicated of the three. Not…

    • Update for December 2, 2010 by: Farokh

      December 2, 2010, 02:32

      Another week of turmoil. We finally made it the One of Kind Show. I was exhausted for some reason, woke up in the afternoon and insisted we go. Let us not…

    • Vacation - Good news or bad? by: Farokh

      July 27, 2010, 17:36

      Chemo vacation brings its own set of thoughts to the surface.

  • Category: eulogy  (1)
    • A hard day - October 19, 2010 by: Farokh

      October 27, 2010, 12:06

      My health is deteriorating rather too fast for my own taste. The steroids keep me from running out of breath, but I still find myself breathing hard too…

  • Category: fatigue  (17)
    • Blazing the trail by: Farokh

      June 21, 2010, 17:53

      This has not been a stellar day. I have been very tired. I am guessing the Neulasta is taking its toll, quietly exercising its options on the bone marrow. The…

    • Bummed Out by: Farokh

      June 26, 2010, 12:06

      That is a strange expression if ever there was one. Janet and I went through a brief phase where we attempted to determine the origin of our expressions. It…

    • Cancelled Chemo by: Farokh

      May 9, 2010, 08:41

      Chemo on May 4th was postponed by about a week. My white blood cell count was very low at 0.8. Janet was right on the weekend. Dr. Hedley recommended I do…

    • Chemo - Session 15 by: Farokh

      June 9, 2010, 18:00

      All things become normal after a while. Repeat something often enough and you begin to believe it. So it goes with Chemo. I remember the trepidation of the…

    • Chemo Session - Number 17 by: Farokh

      July 11, 2010, 11:48

      Another Chemo session under the belt, as it were. The routine of these session is a bit disquieting and yet welcome at the same time.

    • Chemo Session: Number 16 by: Farokh

      June 20, 2010, 09:15

      I took public transit to the hospital. Janet and Devin are both working. This is really a non-issue. The streetcar is almost at our door. Very convenient.…

    • Crying - A Clarification by: Farokh

      June 27, 2010, 10:12

      I have received comments on this blog, personal comments, and comments through eMail about my post in which I talked about crying. Let me clarify my…

    • Les Canadiens Win by: Farokh

      April 27, 2010, 08:55

      How exciting is that? The Montreal Canadians were not supposed to even be in the playoffs, and here they are in a Game Seven against the best team in the…

    • Montreal - July 1, 2010 by: Farokh

      July 11, 2010, 14:03

      We took a week off Chemo treatments to visit friends and relatives in Montreal

    • Montreal - September 2010 by: Farokh

      September 18, 2010, 16:57

      A visit to Montreal accentuated by a visit to Hong Lan where I watched a video outlining the rules that make our bodies what they are. Genes, cells, nature,…

    • Neglectful by: Farokh

      October 19, 2009, 22:46

      I have been neglectful, as Sharon has so kindly pointed out. Last Thursday was not a good day. As I have said many time, not sure why some days go good and…

    • New treatments by: Farokh

      August 8, 2010, 11:41

      What do you do with yourself when on Chemo vacation. The idea of the vacation is not a positive one. You are on vacation because the tumors have stopped…

    • Not enough words by: Farokh

      October 5, 2010, 11:16

      Bad news is the motto of the day as the colon cancer is getting worse. No new organs affected, but the ones that are seem to be having a grand time. Pain,…

    • Positive Thinking by: Farokh

      September 25, 2010, 11:53

      What part does positive thinking play in allaying chronic conditions? Think positively and you will get that job, that car, that whatever. What about a chronic…

    • Think, talk, cry, talk, cry by: Farokh

      September 28, 2009, 18:34

      The full import of the situation is slowly settling in. Hard to avoid the issue now that you have a shit-bag connected to your stomach. The word useless…

    • Update for December 2, 2010 by: Farokh

      December 2, 2010, 02:32

      Another week of turmoil. We finally made it the One of Kind Show. I was exhausted for some reason, woke up in the afternoon and insisted we go. Let us not…

    • What a week! by: Farokh

      April 6, 2010, 08:01

      Back to chemo daycare after an extra week off to celebrate the Baha'i New Year. That was on March 25. A very uneventful day as all visits to the Chemo Daycare…

  • Category: FULFOX  (1)
    • Blazing the trail by: Farokh

      June 21, 2010, 17:53

      This has not been a stellar day. I have been very tired. I am guessing the Neulasta is taking its toll, quietly exercising its options on the bone marrow. The…

  • Category: funeral  (2)
    • A hard day - October 19, 2010 by: Farokh

      October 27, 2010, 12:06

      My health is deteriorating rather too fast for my own taste. The steroids keep me from running out of breath, but I still find myself breathing hard too…

    • Funeral Services by: Farokh

      November 29, 2010, 14:51

      A few requests. First and foremost: No flowers. Let me myself really clear on this subject. My funeral will probably be a winter affair. Nothing better than…

  • Category: halloween  (1)
    • Halloween 2010 by: Farokh

      November 4, 2010, 14:02

      Who knew I would be alive to see this Halloween. Yet here I am. You might recall my distress last year at not being able to celebrate Halloween in the style we…

  • Category: life  (8)
    • A hard day - October 19, 2010 by: Farokh

      October 27, 2010, 12:06

      My health is deteriorating rather too fast for my own taste. The steroids keep me from running out of breath, but I still find myself breathing hard too…

    • Chemo Session: Number 16 by: Farokh

      June 20, 2010, 09:15

      I took public transit to the hospital. Janet and Devin are both working. This is really a non-issue. The streetcar is almost at our door. Very convenient.…

    • Dear Iggy, by: Farokh

      November 11, 2010, 04:42

      What a question to ask, the answer to which is the goal of most people. How do we separate what is important in life from the other stuff? How do we go about…

    • Marriage and other thoughts by: Farokh

      July 22, 2010, 11:12

      A trip through our marriage. The mosconceptions men have of the power they wield.

    • The Circle of Life by: Farokh

      October 16, 2010, 12:35

      Death comes in unexpected ways, some suddenly, others planned ahead. I am one of the latter. I will be gone in the next two to four moths, maybe longer, but…

    • The Precipice by: Farokh

      July 17, 2010, 16:32

      Metaphors explain everything making things clearer. Such is this entry looking at our life as if hanging over the edge of a precipice, a hole waiting to claim…

    • Think, talk, cry, talk, cry by: Farokh

      September 28, 2009, 18:34

      The full import of the situation is slowly settling in. Hard to avoid the issue now that you have a shit-bag connected to your stomach. The word useless…

    • Vacation - Good news or bad? by: Farokh

      July 27, 2010, 17:36

      Chemo vacation brings its own set of thoughts to the surface.

  • Category: marriage  (1)
  • Category: nature  (1)
    • Montreal - September 2010 by: Farokh

      September 18, 2010, 16:57

      A visit to Montreal accentuated by a visit to Hong Lan where I watched a video outlining the rules that make our bodies what they are. Genes, cells, nature,…

  • Category: Neulasta  (10)
    • Blazing the trail by: Farokh

      June 21, 2010, 17:53

      This has not been a stellar day. I have been very tired. I am guessing the Neulasta is taking its toll, quietly exercising its options on the bone marrow. The…

    • Bummed Out by: Farokh

      June 26, 2010, 12:06

      That is a strange expression if ever there was one. Janet and I went through a brief phase where we attempted to determine the origin of our expressions. It…

    • Cancelled Chemo by: Farokh

      May 9, 2010, 08:41

      Chemo on May 4th was postponed by about a week. My white blood cell count was very low at 0.8. Janet was right on the weekend. Dr. Hedley recommended I do…

    • Chemo - Session 15 by: Farokh

      June 9, 2010, 18:00

      All things become normal after a while. Repeat something often enough and you begin to believe it. So it goes with Chemo. I remember the trepidation of the…

    • Chemo Session - Number 17 by: Farokh

      July 11, 2010, 11:48

      Another Chemo session under the belt, as it were. The routine of these session is a bit disquieting and yet welcome at the same time.

    • Chemo Session - Number 18 by: Farokh

      July 23, 2010, 12:32

      Chemo Session number 18 is now under my belt. No surprises with my reaction. This may or may not be a good thing. We are seeing the oncologist on Wednesday for…

    • Chemo Session: Number 16 by: Farokh

      June 20, 2010, 09:15

      I took public transit to the hospital. Janet and Devin are both working. This is really a non-issue. The streetcar is almost at our door. Very convenient.…

    • Montreal - July 1, 2010 by: Farokh

      July 11, 2010, 14:03

      We took a week off Chemo treatments to visit friends and relatives in Montreal

    • Some thoughts by: Farokh

      May 19, 2010, 11:25

      I am going through a bizarre set of events. I keep thinking and thinking and the thoughts provoke new thoughts, and I reverse my position don't care about this…

    • The Doctors have spoken by: Farokh

      April 14, 2010, 18:36

      This has been a busy week. Met with the surgeon yesterday. She is still very happy with the rate of progress. No talk of reconnecting the rectum to the…

  • Category: normal  (2)
    • Dear Iggy, by: Farokh

      November 11, 2010, 04:42

      What a question to ask, the answer to which is the goal of most people. How do we separate what is important in life from the other stuff? How do we go about…

    • Tolerance by: Farokh

      September 6, 2010, 10:52

      Tolerances change with new experiences. We humans can put up with a lot, changing our level of tolerance for pretty much everything.

  • Category: nurture  (1)
    • Montreal - September 2010 by: Farokh

      September 18, 2010, 16:57

      A visit to Montreal accentuated by a visit to Hong Lan where I watched a video outlining the rules that make our bodies what they are. Genes, cells, nature,…

  • Category: operation  (1)
    • One Year Anniversary by: Farokh

      September 3, 2010, 18:47

      Thoughts about losing a day to an operation and having no recollections of what has happened. Is that what death is like?

  • Category: oxygen tank  (2)
    • Palliative Care by: Farokh

      November 5, 2010, 12:41

      Our care has now been moved over to palliative care. All the rugs prescriptions are now in their hands. We met with Kelly, the nurse, and Dr. Julie…

    • Update - November 26, 2010 by: Farokh

      November 26, 2010, 06:38

      I have not written an update in a while. I am stuck between the three thoughts at the moment, the third is the most personal and complicated of the three. Not…

  • Category: pain killers  (1)
    • Update - November 26, 2010 by: Farokh

      November 26, 2010, 06:38

      I have not written an update in a while. I am stuck between the three thoughts at the moment, the third is the most personal and complicated of the three. Not…

  • Category: pain klillers  (1)
    • Palliative Care by: Farokh

      November 5, 2010, 12:41

      Our care has now been moved over to palliative care. All the rugs prescriptions are now in their hands. We met with Kelly, the nurse, and Dr. Julie…

  • Category: palliative  (5)
    • Bummed Out by: Farokh

      June 26, 2010, 12:06

      That is a strange expression if ever there was one. Janet and I went through a brief phase where we attempted to determine the origin of our expressions. It…

    • Chemo - Session 15 by: Farokh

      June 9, 2010, 18:00

      All things become normal after a while. Repeat something often enough and you begin to believe it. So it goes with Chemo. I remember the trepidation of the…

    • Crisis by: Farokh

      August 16, 2010, 09:20

      Do we really need a crisis to bring people together. It turns out that we do.

    • Palliative Care by: Farokh

      November 5, 2010, 12:41

      Our care has now been moved over to palliative care. All the rugs prescriptions are now in their hands. We met with Kelly, the nurse, and Dr. Julie…

    • The Circle of Life by: Farokh

      October 16, 2010, 12:35

      Death comes in unexpected ways, some suddenly, others planned ahead. I am one of the latter. I will be gone in the next two to four moths, maybe longer, but…

  • Category: pictures  (49)
  • Category: poetry  (1)
    • Roatan by: Farokh

      May 6, 2010, 04:55

      A boy sleeps while he is supposed to be studying for his scuba diving license.

  • Category: positive thinking  (12)
    • A cacophony of noise by: Farokh

      April 2, 2010, 08:03

      Love that word. I am probably not using it properly. It was too good to pass up. Remember Minority Report? The movie in which people drove their cars up…

    • Blazing the trail by: Farokh

      June 21, 2010, 17:53

      This has not been a stellar day. I have been very tired. I am guessing the Neulasta is taking its toll, quietly exercising its options on the bone marrow. The…

    • Chemo Session: Number 16 by: Farokh

      June 20, 2010, 09:15

      I took public transit to the hospital. Janet and Devin are both working. This is really a non-issue. The streetcar is almost at our door. Very convenient.…

    • Dear Iggy, by: Farokh

      November 11, 2010, 04:42

      What a question to ask, the answer to which is the goal of most people. How do we separate what is important in life from the other stuff? How do we go about…

    • Montreal - July 1, 2010 by: Farokh

      July 11, 2010, 14:03

      We took a week off Chemo treatments to visit friends and relatives in Montreal

    • Montreal - September 2010 by: Farokh

      September 18, 2010, 16:57

      A visit to Montreal accentuated by a visit to Hong Lan where I watched a video outlining the rules that make our bodies what they are. Genes, cells, nature,…

    • Poo by: Farokh

      November 5, 2010, 09:27

      We ended back in emergency on Saturday afternoon suffering from severe abdominal pain. These visits are now becoming part for the new normal. It is always…

    • Positive Thinking by: Farokh

      September 25, 2010, 11:53

      What part does positive thinking play in allaying chronic conditions? Think positively and you will get that job, that car, that whatever. What about a chronic…

    • Princess Margaret, I have to complain by: Farokh

      May 19, 2010, 11:59

      Following is a transcript of the eMail exchange I had with the customer service person at the Princess Margaret Hospital. But first, some background. I had…

    • Ronak Shah – a Second Response by: Farokh

      April 1, 2010, 15:38

      Some rules of engagement first: 1. Do not insult or denigrate my mother 2. Do not insult or denigrate my doctors 3. Do not insult or denigrate my…

    • Some thoughts by: Farokh

      May 19, 2010, 11:25

      I am going through a bizarre set of events. I keep thinking and thinking and the thoughts provoke new thoughts, and I reverse my position don't care about this…

    • Vacation - Good news or bad? by: Farokh

      July 27, 2010, 17:36

      Chemo vacation brings its own set of thoughts to the surface.

  • Category: regrets  (1)
    • Expectations, suppression, and regrets by: Farokh

      November 16, 2010, 02:45

      I decided a number of years ago that regrets hold you back. You keep living in the I wish I had world instead of taking the future by storm. I do have two…

  • Category: second opinions  (2)
    • Getting a Second Opinion by: Farokh

      July 15, 2010, 14:04

      A second opinion appears to be a must in most situations. It generally is prompted by bad news, or a distrust of the first opinion.

    • Poo by: Farokh

      November 5, 2010, 09:27

      We ended back in emergency on Saturday afternoon suffering from severe abdominal pain. These visits are now becoming part for the new normal. It is always…

  • Category: steroids  (1)
    • Update - November 26, 2010 by: Farokh

      November 26, 2010, 06:38

      I have not written an update in a while. I am stuck between the three thoughts at the moment, the third is the most personal and complicated of the three. Not…

  • Category: support  (14)
    • Air Conditioning by: Farokh

      July 13, 2010, 11:12

      We had to install and AC unit to pacify the man with the chronic condition. Bad enough to have Chemo eating away at you without having to put up with the heat.

    • Crisis by: Farokh

      August 16, 2010, 09:20

      Do we really need a crisis to bring people together. It turns out that we do.

    • Dear Iggy, by: Farokh

      November 11, 2010, 04:42

      What a question to ask, the answer to which is the goal of most people. How do we separate what is important in life from the other stuff? How do we go about…

    • Last trip - Atlanta, October 22, 2010 by: Farokh

      October 29, 2010, 09:46

      We went to Atlanta to visit my brother and the rest of the family. My niece Khandan, and her family came up from Louisiana. My Aunt, Iran Joon and Habib, came…

    • Montreal - July 1, 2010 by: Farokh

      July 11, 2010, 14:03

      We took a week off Chemo treatments to visit friends and relatives in Montreal

    • New treatments by: Farokh

      August 8, 2010, 11:41

      What do you do with yourself when on Chemo vacation. The idea of the vacation is not a positive one. You are on vacation because the tumors have stopped…

    • Not enough words by: Farokh

      October 5, 2010, 11:16

      Bad news is the motto of the day as the colon cancer is getting worse. No new organs affected, but the ones that are seem to be having a grand time. Pain,…

    • Oncologist Visit - Wednesday July 21 by: Farokh

      July 23, 2010, 15:08

      Seeing the oncologist and negotiating a Chemo Vacation for a couple of months. The news is overwhelming.

    • Princess Margaret, I have to complain by: Farokh

      May 19, 2010, 11:59

      Following is a transcript of the eMail exchange I had with the customer service person at the Princess Margaret Hospital. But first, some background. I had…

    • Ronak Shah - a Response by: Farokh

      March 30, 2010, 15:35

      Thank you for visiting, reading and commenting. Have you had cancer? Not that I would wish this on anybody. Cancer creates a journey of discovery. About…

    • Some thoughts by: Farokh

      May 19, 2010, 11:25

      I am going through a bizarre set of events. I keep thinking and thinking and the thoughts provoke new thoughts, and I reverse my position don't care about this…

    • Thanks to the Frasers by: Farokh

      May 9, 2010, 08:02

      As you may or may not know by now, we spent a weekend at the Fraser farm in Caledon, about an hour north of Toronto. They were not there. They gave us the key…

    • The Circle of Life by: Farokh

      October 16, 2010, 12:35

      Death comes in unexpected ways, some suddenly, others planned ahead. I am one of the latter. I will be gone in the next two to four moths, maybe longer, but…

    • Visits by: Farokh

      November 14, 2010, 04:29

      I wrote Andrew Neelands the other day chastising him for not visiting me over the past year. I have know Andrew for many years. He is one of the smartest geeks…

  • Category: the new normal  (6)
    • Dear Iggy, by: Farokh

      November 11, 2010, 04:42

      What a question to ask, the answer to which is the goal of most people. How do we separate what is important in life from the other stuff? How do we go about…

    • Oncologist Visit - Wednesday July 21 by: Farokh

      July 23, 2010, 15:08

      Seeing the oncologist and negotiating a Chemo Vacation for a couple of months. The news is overwhelming.

    • Poo by: Farokh

      November 5, 2010, 09:27

      We ended back in emergency on Saturday afternoon suffering from severe abdominal pain. These visits are now becoming part for the new normal. It is always…

    • Routines by: Farokh

      April 25, 2010, 08:11

      Wake up, wash, dress, breakfast, work, coffee, meeting, lunch, run, meeting, coffee, meeting, meeting, home, cook, eat, TV, sleep. Tired just writing…

    • Tolerance by: Farokh

      September 6, 2010, 10:52

      Tolerances change with new experiences. We humans can put up with a lot, changing our level of tolerance for pretty much everything.

    • What a week! by: Farokh

      April 6, 2010, 08:01

      Back to chemo daycare after an extra week off to celebrate the Baha'i New Year. That was on March 25. A very uneventful day as all visits to the Chemo Daycare…

  • Category: Trash  (1)
    • Trash Talk by: Farokh

      August 16, 2010, 10:56

      It is time for municiplaties to stop looking for the one stop solution to our trash problems, and start experimenting with a bunch of smaller solutions.

  • Category: Uncategorized  (147)
    •  by: Farokh

      August 2, 2009, 07:27

      This has been a good day, though I barely slept last night. Tossed and turned with a way over imaginative brain keeping me awake and tortured with insane…

    • 13 days of Neulasta by: Farokh

      February 20, 2010, 11:43

      Not really, just seemed that way. I got my Neulasta shot as directed on Monday February 8th. As you may know by now, Neulasta kicks the living daylights out of…

    • 2 Sets of X-Rays have to be wrong by: Farokh

      August 6, 2009, 17:25

      Get up and have breakfast. Ensure, egg, bread and jam. And I can eat the whole thing. Is my appetite back? The day was OK but ends on a downer. Thinking too…

    • 8 Days Later by: Farokh

      November 21, 2009, 04:41

      avastin, avastin what art thou you come in a plastic bag invading my heart poisoning my body weakening my spirit racing through my body wrecking…

    • A good cigar! by: Farokh

      August 5, 2009, 17:22

      In good spirits. I keep the car. I have a great day. Rest at noon again, but end the day in great shape. Taking things one day at a time. This makes it 2 good…

    • A hard day - October 19, 2010 by: Farokh

      October 27, 2010, 12:06

      My health is deteriorating rather too fast for my own taste. The steroids keep me from running out of breath, but I still find myself breathing hard too…

    • Actions and their Side Effects by: Farokh

      February 4, 2010, 20:25

      No not from chemo. Side effects from stuff like this blog. I am not sure what the original motivation was. Communicating with family and friends? Therapy…

    • Addas Polo by: Farokh

      July 4, 2009, 19:38

      Make my favourite rice for dinner. Lentils, dates and raisins. Yum! Only Dev and I are home for dinner.  Generous helping of yoghurt. This rice is like…

    • Anxiety by: Farokh

      October 26, 2009, 15:16

      It is difficult to know what is your worst enemy. Somehow the all seem to be tied in to each other in a big conspiracy. Sleep deprivation is probably the…

    • Are you OK? by: Farokh

      October 3, 2009, 19:01

      The most oft asked question. Whether in person, or eMail, or whatever. I cannot make a move in the house without the question being asked. I don't even have to…

    • Art Therapy by: Farokh

      November 5, 2009, 20:45

      The good people at Wellspring allowed me to join the Art Therapy session that takes place on Wednesdays between the hours of 10 and 12. Devin and I drove…

    • Art Therapy - Session 7 by: Farokh

      December 16, 2009, 21:24

      The final session. 4 people showed up. We had to do 2 paintings. The first: Paint what your holding on to.  The first step was to write down…

    • Art Therapy Sessions 5 and 6 by: Farokh

      December 14, 2009, 13:03

      I am late, so very very late So sorry to be so late Truth be told, the therapy sessions are as interesting as ever but have evolved into very personal…

    • Art Therapy: Session 2 by: Farokh

      November 11, 2009, 21:23

      We had Art Therapy today. Must be Wednesday. Three people from last week did not show up, two new people showed up. Except they are not new since the…

    • Art Therapy: Session 3 by: Farokh

      November 19, 2009, 14:27

      I am sorry to report right from the start, that I did not take pictures. I am disappointed. The opportunity almost presented itself, but I was not able to…

    • Art Therapy: Session 4 by: Farokh

      November 25, 2009, 18:11

      This is a turning point in the Art Therapy blog posting. I was expecting this to happen. The only unfortunate part is that the objections have come form people…

    • Avastin - What Happened? by: Farokh

      November 17, 2009, 20:37

      Last Thursday was the start of chemo week. Avastin was added to the mix. Another unknown, and as you all know by now, I am not a big fan if unknowns of this…

    • Better be better by: Farokh

      November 1, 2009, 09:38

      Spent a lot of the night reacting to one upset or another. Got a headache. Took a couple of Tylenols. Got nauseous. Took my nausea pill. again a bit late…

    • Big Day #1 by: Farokh

      July 28, 2009, 10:57

      Big day. Can't sleep. Obviously tense. Go see Doctor Ruth at 12:30. Janet accompanies me. Doctor Ruth is a LOT more serious than I have ever seen her. Her…

    • Big Day #2 by: Farokh

      July 30, 2009, 11:08

      Another big day. This will tell all. Can't have coffee or muffins or anything. Fuck! We show up at the hospital, but I have forgotten my paper work, Janet goes…

    • BooBoo Long.Paws goes missing by: Farokh

      August 27, 2009, 10:31

      A week before the operation and the wait is interminable. I went to sleep early last night as I do most nights. Janet is calling the cats in for the night. We…

    • But first, a cottage break by: Farokh

      July 18, 2009, 20:47

      Spending the weekend at Daryl's cottage in Peterborough. 2.5 hour drive. Should be OK. Weather sucks, but I hardly have the energy to care. Drive was fine and…

    • CANCER! by: Farokh

      August 10, 2009, 09:40

      Appointment with a Doctor Erin Kennedy at 10:20. She has a fancy title that appears to let us know that she knows wherefore she speaks. Colonoscopy already set…

    • Carys lifts my spirits by: Farokh

      August 3, 2009, 17:18

      Starts the same as any other day. Breakfast, coffee, lots of water, eat small bits all day. Things seem to be going well. Paulee comes over with Carys. Have…

    • Catch a movie by: Farokh

      August 7, 2009, 09:28

      Go to work at Monarch. Yama wants me to go in and hang out a bit. Do a bit of work, Ron wants to have lunch but he has to go to a meeting first. I should know…

    • Catching up: by: Farokh

      October 17, 2009, 08:05

      Diarrhea: Came and left. None since Friday morning Nausea: Brief appearance on Thursday evening. Went to bed without dinner. Woke up Friday morning feeling…

    • Chaussons aux Pommes by: Farokh

      October 20, 2009, 11:48

      I am getting a lot of offers to take these off my hands. So many people willing to sacrifice themselves to save me. It is enough to make you look for ulterior…

    • Chemo Day by: Farokh

      November 12, 2009, 19:25

      Surprise! We get Avastin today. Dr. Hedley feels that enough time has gone by for me to have healed. Damn the creation of blood vessels. Full steam ahead. We…

    • Chemo Day: session 2 by: Farokh

      October 22, 2009, 15:42

      The jury is out on the sleep resolution taken last night. Having said that, I slept quite well, if sporadically. But in the new spirit of any sleep is a good…

    • Chemo week #4 by: Farokh

      December 5, 2009, 08:31

      The Oncologist We received an eMail from  our Oncologist"s assistant, Shahnaz, that we should come in ad see Dr. Hedley on Wednesday, the day before our…

    • Chemo, a virgin's view by: Farokh

      October 8, 2009, 19:21

      We showed up at 2:30 to a roomful of people waiting. Turns out that they had 120 people in for treatments as opposed to the usual number which is a lot lower.…

    • Colonoscopy Day by: Farokh

      August 11, 2009, 11:01

      Wake up with a smashing headache. So maybe the liquid diet is not so hot after all. Not allowed to eat or drink past midnight. Colonoscopy is at 1:00PM. Keep…

    • Coming to terms with sleep by: Farokh

      October 20, 2009, 13:21

      Sunday night had the predictable sleep schedule. There was a slight variation. I drove Janet to work, then went back to bed. We have an appointment with the…

    • Comments by: Farokh

      October 16, 2009, 23:36

      I receive a lot of eMails in response to my posts, all of which I appreciate. I wonder if some of these eMails should not be posted as comments for all to…

    • Coping and other things by: Farokh

      January 6, 2010, 11:21

      Here we are a full four months after the operation. Is it time to reflect yet on what has happened? We (my family) are constantly amazed how we humans adapt…

    • CT Scan Results by: Farokh

      November 19, 2009, 12:17

      Went to see the oncologist yesterday with mixed results. The last CT Scan we did was at the end of July, before the full diagnosis, and before the operation,…

    • CT-Scan by: Farokh

      July 9, 2009, 20:42

      The CT Scan is arranged for the morning. Janet insists on coming with me. What a strange experience. You lie on a table and are passed through a doughnut that…

    • CT-Scan Results by: Farokh

      March 10, 2010, 22:35

      It was bound to happen this way. We met with the oncologist, the ever lovable Dr David Hedley. The results are not in. It takes apparently 5 radiologists to…

    • CT-Scan Results - Continued by: Farokh

      March 19, 2010, 07:41

      A number of you have been asking about the results following the original post. I received the results the other day and have not called the oncologist yet. He…

    • CT-Scan, prepare to go on vacation by: Farokh

      July 16, 2009, 20:46

      The CT Scan is arranged for the morning. Janet insists on coming with me. What a strange experience. You lie on a table and are passed through a doughnut that…

    • Disconnected by: Farokh

      October 12, 2009, 08:33

      I have to get a belt in which to carry this stupid baby bottle. You keep forgetting that you are attached and walk away only to have the bottle dangle. Nothing…

    • Diverticulitis sucks! by: Farokh

      July 11, 2009, 20:44

      Life is getting back to some sense of normalcy. I have limited appetite but am always hungry. Eating a lot of eggs, pasta and salads with beans or other stuff.…

    • Emotions are raw by: Farokh

      October 22, 2009, 00:15

      The night before chemo, and the emotions are running amok. Not much to be done but try to keep them in check and move forward. I have decided to give up on…

    • Ethiopian Food by: Farokh

      June 27, 2009, 19:35

      Go for Ethiopian food - at Rendez Vous on the Danforth - with Dev and the kids. It is a bit heavy, but still OK. Love that stuff. End the evening by joining…

    • Euphoria by: Farokh

      January 11, 2010, 15:21

      Went to see Dr. Kennedy today. She was delighted to be the first to give the results of the CT-Scan as well as CEA blood test numbers. The CT-Scan results are…

    • Evolution by: Farokh

      February 13, 2010, 18:03

      I was talking with a Creationist a few years ago. It was fascinating. So easy to poke holes in their theories. The other side believes in evolution. It is a…

    • Fighting Cancer by: Farokh

      October 22, 2009, 17:00

      I apologise for this entry, but I do not seem to be able to let go of this thought. Maybe because I have not found a satisfactory solution to it. This entry…

    • First Bad News by: Farokh

      July 24, 2009, 20:56

      Doctor Ruth calls with the results of the CT Scan. It is not good. No mention of Diverticulitis anymore. Spots of the liver which should not be there. Do I…

    • First Diagnosis by: Farokh

      July 7, 2009, 20:37

      I am feeling really well. On the road to recovery. I am considering cancelling the doctor's appointment. Temperature gone, so obviously is the infection,…

    • Friends, family, so much support by: Farokh

      August 23, 2009, 15:35

      Sunday. So many people come to visit. To talk. Just be there. Kali and David want to come for lunch. Aviva and David join us as well. We go through the whole…

    • Gas and nothing else by: Farokh

      June 23, 2009, 19:11

      This is not working. A bit of gas, but really no movement of any kind. Life goes on hoping that it will clear itself. Can't eat much. Seem to have lost some of…

    • Get me a knife by: Farokh

      September 3, 2009, 12:34

      No idea what time it was when I was ushered into the step down room. Janet tells me there were five patients in the room. The guy in the bed next to me was out…

    • Go work, appear normal by: Farokh

      July 29, 2009, 11:02

      Go see clients. Trying very hard to make things appear normal. Everyone remarks on the amount of weight I have lost. Lisa tells me I should wear clothes that…

    • Good and Evil by: Farokh

      January 18, 2010, 23:06

      I have cancer as a punishment for my evil ways. Why could the punishment not have been the flu? Or something equally benign? I guess it could have been worse…

    • Good News Bad News by: Farokh

      July 2, 2009, 19:36

      Lay in bed shivering and trembling for over an hour. This is one of those good news bad news things. Bad news is a temperature is coming. Good news is the body…

    • Good week - so far by: Farokh

      November 5, 2009, 10:46

      Life was measurably improved following the Saturday letdown. All my H1N1 symptoms are now over. My arm is no longer hurting. I am very glad I got the vaccine a…

    • Goodbye Monarch by: Farokh

      August 26, 2009, 09:48

      I have an appointment with Yama and Steve Lennox for the big handover. It will be emotional. I take another Percocet to kill the pain. Janet and I drive to her…

    • Graze the day away by: Farokh

      August 4, 2009, 17:19

      Janet is going back to work this week while appointments are being arranged. We drive in to work, and I go to see Monarch to do some work. It is good to be…

    • Guilt by: Farokh

      November 5, 2009, 23:09

      It's all about me now. Life has never been all about me. It has always been about others with me playing a supporting role. But it is all about me now. Not…

    • Guilt Free Sleep by: Farokh

      October 25, 2009, 19:30

      I came  up with an interesting concept last week. Guilt Free Sleep. We have been conditioned to sleep at night. We feel guilty if we don't. We feel as if…

    • Halloween by: Farokh

      October 30, 2009, 17:42

      Tomorrow is Halloween. To celebrate or not? We celebrate every year. Make a production of it. I usually carve multiple pumpkins, some with two faces.…

    • Homeward bound by: Farokh

      September 12, 2009, 18:39

      Dr Shawyer is sending me home. I call Janet at home and can barely talk as I cry into the phone. And home we go, right after we see the nurse who arranges for…

    • Hospital Gowns by: Farokh

      November 24, 2009, 07:27

      My friend Mehran wished me luck before my operation. The usual thinking of you, praying for you, sentiments. He also requested that I do something about…

    • How Self-Absorbed Are We? by: Farokh

      December 4, 2009, 17:38

      We become cancer patients and are told that it is now all about us. I suspect that all chronic disease patients are told the same thing. It is a way to make us…

    • Inner Strength by: Farokh

      October 23, 2009, 17:49

      One of the recurring themes is where my inner strength to cope with this is coming from. It is a good question, the answer to which has eluded me. I…

    • It was a good week by: Farokh

      March 23, 2010, 09:07

      I think I should take a one week break from Chemo every 6 sessions.  I was given a one week reprieve last week to celebrate Naw-Ruz, the Baha'i new year. I…

    • It was bound to happen by: Farokh

      November 2, 2009, 06:57

      This is not for the squeamish. You know somewhere in the back of your mind, the question. You know the question,  don't you? What happens if the bag…

    • It was not meant to be this way by: Farokh

      October 31, 2009, 22:28

      This is the week in which I am to be strong and free from side effects. The week in which I get to do things. I made myself that promise only yesterday. I…

    • Jackson-Pratt by: Farokh

      September 28, 2009, 02:50

      Good friend of mine. We were quite attached to one another. The separation was painful. The Jackson-Pratt bag refers to this bulb that is attached, in my…

    • Ki by: Farokh

      August 17, 2009, 11:56

      I have a 9:00AM appointment to see a Ki Energy person. All these things are so interesting. Janet insists on driving me. She is very uncomfortable leaving me…

    • Leave Montreal to come home by: Farokh

      July 23, 2009, 20:55

      Drive Janet to Dorval airport, or Trudeau Airport as it is called now. We have a cup of coffee together. Trip was much shorter than expected. I leave around…

    • Liver prognosis by: Farokh

      August 13, 2009, 11:52

      The hard week continues. Off to PMH to see the liver doctor. We wait for 2 hours. Notice I am not talking about anything that happened in the morning. Nothing…

    • Living for Today by: Farokh

      November 15, 2009, 01:58

      This has been a recurring theme. It is fitting that it should be addressed in its very own post. What honour. Life has changed to the point that the future…

    • Long drive by: Farokh

      July 19, 2009, 20:48

      Nice breakfast. More reading. Packing and getting ready for the 6 hour drive to Ste Agathe. Janet is an amazing navigator, and I blindly follow her directions.…

    • Lorazepam - The Morning After by: Farokh

      October 8, 2009, 06:39

      My opiate naive body reacts to yet another drug. Half a pill is all I am supposed to take, and it is all I took. About an hour before going to sleep. I…

    • Lorazepam: Take 2 by: Farokh

      October 15, 2009, 03:00

      I spoke too soon. I posted my blog at 4:30 in the morning and was optimistic about falling asleep again. Did not happen, I watched television until about 7:30…

    • Lost a month by: Farokh

      March 1, 2010, 10:56

      I lost the month of February. I thought I was doing well toward the end of last week, only to be thwarted by, what I can only call, a tsunami of events. T…

    • Milestone 1 by: Farokh

      October 1, 2009, 07:06

      The title is optimistic. There will be others. Thursday is Devin's day off. My cousin, Soheil, is here visiting to cheer me up. I decide that we should keep…

    • Milestone 2 by: Farokh

      October 2, 2009, 07:18

      Not one to disappoint, I had to come up with a second milestone. This has been a bad day. I am in a filthy mood. It has rained all day. It is windy and…

    • Milestone 3 by: Farokh

      October 3, 2009, 21:36

      Wake up on Saturday morning feeling quite well in spite of the excesses of the previous night. We decide to go to the market. Janet goes to her pilates class…

    • My brother leaves by: Farokh

      September 20, 2009, 20:51

      My brother leaves  a happy man. I am in better shape than he thought I would be in, and he is already making plans to come back. Our house looks like a hotel…

    • My brother visits by: Farokh

      September 15, 2009, 13:54

      I am excited beyond belief. My brother is coming up for a visit. He arrives around noon. I cannot help him unload the car, which feels a bit weird. Big hugs…

    • My voice: the barometer by: Farokh

      October 3, 2009, 07:06

      I was on my way to the bedroom, and stopped to say so to Janet who was watching her favourite soap on the TV. The Young and the Restless. You can all call and…

    • New rules of engagement by: Farokh

      October 19, 2009, 22:51

      We lived in England prior to coming to Canada. Between 1966 and 1968, we lived under the watchful eye of a guardian, Dr. Abbas Afnan and his wife Shomeis. Dr.…

    • Nieces and Grand Nieces by: Farokh

      October 17, 2009, 17:39

      I have posted about this before. Everyone has offered to help is some manner. Whatever we need is the most open invitation. A drive tot he hospital? Shopping…

    • No Chemo by: Farokh

      November 9, 2009, 10:07

      No chemo last week. I now have the pleasure f an extended good week. This makes up for the days H1N1 stole from me. I went to the blood clinic as usual last…

    • Normal Reality by: Farokh

      October 29, 2009, 20:29

      Every once in a while, you wake up in the morning expecting this to be a nasty dream. But there is this bag thingy hanging off your stomach to remind you of…

    • Nothing but confusion by: Farokh

      July 27, 2009, 10:53

      Nothing but confusion. Let's not get ahead of ourselves. Wait for Tuesday. Relax. Can't. Very emotional. Damn Anti-biotics. I would be emotional anyways, but…

    • Now what? by: Farokh

      July 31, 2009, 11:17

      Now what? We are in a bit of a stupor. We start calling everyone to let them know what is going on. We do not want any surprises. It is not easy. A number of…

    • Oncologist by: Farokh

      August 25, 2009, 15:48

      I am not sure who comes up with the medical terminology, but I am positive the terms and names are designed to obfuscate matters. Oncologist is one such word.…

    • Oncologist 2 by: Farokh

      October 7, 2009, 17:44

      The charming Dr. David Hedley is so reassuring and positive. We were there last Wednesday to see when the chemo would start. It is official, it starts…

    • Operation by: Farokh

      September 2, 2009, 11:03

      We show up on time and are ushered into the waiting room. There are a lot of people waiting, all accompanied by one or more person, and all carrying some sort…

    • Picture of the Week - Dec 4, 2009 by: Farokh

      December 5, 2009, 08:39

      Date: 2009 Location: Toronto Story: Reserved for tenant #12

    • Picture of the Week - February 19, 2010 by: Farokh

      February 20, 2010, 11:22

      Cop on a beat Location: Toronto, Yonge and Bloor Story: I love reflections. Janet was shopping and I was out taking pictures. What an opportunity…

    • Picture of the week - January 29, 2010 by: Farokh

      January 29, 2010, 17:10

      Location: Dana Point, California, 2006 We headed to San Diego for a family reunion. The family on my mothers side. My cousin Ruja lives there. We flew…

    • Poems by: Farokh

      December 15, 2009, 09:56

      I have been sent a couple of poems of late and thought it appropriate to share them with you. The first is courtesy of Daryl Aitken, the second from Doug…

    • Prep Day by: Farokh

      September 1, 2009, 10:02

      Show up at the hospital. We have been told that this will be an all day affair and to be patient. Dev is with us. They weigh me, take vital signs, take my…

    • Rare quiet day by: Farokh

      August 12, 2009, 11:50

      This is a quiet day. We hang out, eat, talk. Friends write and call. Pretty much nothing of import takes place. We are getting ready for the next day,…

    • Response to Guilt by: Farokh

      November 9, 2009, 23:17

      Not easy. I have spent a lifetime helping others with no expectations. I have not been the centre of attention. In spite of how extroverted I appear to be,…

    • Revised Schedule by: Farokh

      November 10, 2009, 21:56

      I am not going to do blood work tomorrow morning. I will instead go on Thursday morning. Chemo is set for noon on Thursday. Doing the blood work in the morning…

    • Ricardo Binnardo by: Farokh

      September 27, 2009, 19:55

      My bunkie. A charming older gentleman from the Calabrese region of Italy. Spoke 2 words of English, which along with my two words of Italian meant instant…

    • See my sister by: Farokh

      July 20, 2009, 20:49

      Janet has do write some stuff for work. It is so peaceful here. No phones ringing, or cars driving by, or anything. We sit on the back deck and she writes. I…

    • Seeing Pictures by: Farokh

      November 13, 2009, 10:33

      We went to Honduras in 2003 with some of our friends. Rented a couple of houses in Roatan Island and spent Christmas together. Janet and I got there about…

    • Self Worth by: Farokh

      December 14, 2009, 22:24

      I am a useless git. I have little worth anymore. I lie around all day, barely able to do anything. I am always tired, sleeping, doing stupid word…

    • Short Temper by: Farokh

      December 21, 2009, 00:56

      I found myself being really short tempered for a couple of weeks. It seemed to pass once the Neulasta kicked in. Maybe there was a connection? The effects…

    • Sitting in Judgement by: Farokh

      December 25, 2009, 11:10

      Sitting in Judgment Why do we insist on sitting in judgment of others.  All the time. We used to have to fill out these smile sheets when I was teaching…

    • Sleep, wake up, walk, nausea, sleep, drugs... by: Farokh

      September 12, 2009, 08:45

      I had a lot of visitors while in hospital. And a lot of nurses. These work in 12 hour shifts starting at 7 in the morning. They run the gamut of nice to really…

    • Sleep, welcome sleep by: Farokh

      October 14, 2009, 03:31

      Slept through most of Thanksgiving Monday. It was such a relief to be able to sleep at all. Fetneh left early in the morning. The more often she comes to…

    • Sleeping by: Farokh

      October 16, 2009, 23:46

      Lorazepam worked for two straight nights. Wednesday was my worst day. Thursday was better, and today was fantastic. Devin and I went out for lunch accompanie…

    • Some thoughts on Cancer Survivors by: Farokh

      October 8, 2009, 18:53

      I dislike the term Cancer survivor. I know I am going against the grain here. But it sounds so defeatist. You survived. And what happens when the cancer…

    • Stomach Pains by: Farokh

      July 5, 2009, 20:20

      Stomach is in severe pain. This is as close to contractions as I can imagine things. Waves of pain as if someone is grabbing the insides and giving things a…

    • Street meat - The Journey Begins by: Farokh

      June 19, 2009, 10:31

      Shawn invites me to share a hot dog with him from a street vendor at First Canadian Place. I opt for the sausage and a bottle of water. It is actually hot…

    • Sunday is Thursday by: Farokh

      November 23, 2009, 10:15

      Last week was bad. Slept badly in spite of not feeling guilty about it. A whole bunch of side effects, which we believe to be from Avastin. My skin has…

    • Take a day off by: Farokh

      August 14, 2009, 11:58

      Sunny outside. No hospital visits planned. We can pretend this is all happening to someone else. We decide to make a day of it . I have a massage booked for…

    • Taking care of business by: Farokh

      August 21, 2009, 12:02

      I have an appointment to talk with Yama at 10 this morning. I am not looking forward to this. Lucky I kept him in the know through it all. We sit in the…

    • Taking inventory by: Farokh

      October 9, 2009, 18:33

      Today was a day of staying home taking stock of the body. As I said earlier, everything has a new meaning. Are those stomach cramps? Or just gas? Am I…

    • Tara, My Darling by: Farokh

      December 24, 2009, 21:52

      A hearty congratulations on your wedding May your wildest dreams be fulfilled May you flourish emotionally May you grow intellectually May the…

    • Technical difficulties by: Farokh

      November 5, 2009, 06:33

      We made some changes to the location of the blog. It was part of another domain and has since moved to its own place. This caused some interesting sets of…

    • The Globe & Mail  by: Farokh

      October 20, 2009, 17:45

      Margaret Wente wrote a charming article in the Globe & Mail on the subject of breast cancer. More to the point, on fighting, conquering and surviving…

    • The Herbalist by: Farokh

      July 10, 2009, 20:44

      Went to see an herbalist. Life deals strange hands. Nancy was talking with her boyfriend Steve. They were on the phone while she was riding in a cab and was…

    • The Missing Cog by: Farokh

      March 10, 2010, 22:28

      My sisters and I moved to Canada on August 12, 1968. Funny how some dates stick in your head. My parents Landed in 1967 in time for the World Expo. They were…

    • The runs by: Farokh

      August 8, 2009, 09:31

      Another good day. Had a great breakfast Have no felt this good since this thing started. If I did not know better, I would swear that I was on the mend. Janet…

    • The two weeks ended on Saturday, January 30, 2010 by: Farokh

      February 1, 2010, 14:27

      I am late, so very late in keeping this blog up to date. I will make this post an update of two weeks. You have all read the Euphoria piece in which the…

    • The Week That Was - Ended December 12, 2009 by: Farokh

      December 11, 2009, 12:31

      This has probably been the most difficult week since my operation. And that is saying plenty. Remember the wagging fingers letting me know in no uncertain…

    • The Week That Was - Ended December 18, 2009 by: Farokh

      December 18, 2009, 19:45

      Our friends came over for dinner last Friday night. We brought in food from Riz, always wonderful and tasty. Unfortunately, Daryl who organised the evening…

    • The week that was - ended December 26, 2009 by: Farokh

      December 30, 2009, 12:59

      That Neulasta sure does an amazing job with the white blood cells. I had lots of energy all week, though it appeared to wane by mid afternoon. Took a lot of…

    • The Week that Was - Ended February 6, 2010 by: Farokh

      February 6, 2010, 15:15

      This was a good week overall. A bit of trepidation getting mentally ready for the chemo session. Not sure why there is any trepidation. This has become an…

    • The week that was - ended January 16, 2010 by: Farokh

      January 23, 2010, 12:03

      The week atrted with the amazing news that led to the Euphoria post. What can top that for the beginning of a week? Attended two sessions at the Wellspring…

    • The week that was - ended January 2, 2010 by: Farokh

      January 10, 2010, 15:38

      The days are a blur. Christmas was barely noticed, as is the Hew Year. Cannot stay up to celebrate the coming of the new year. I guess I will have to celebrate…

    • The week that was - ended January 9, 2010 by: Farokh

      January 10, 2010, 15:56

      This turned out to be a very hard week. I will have to write about it a bit later when all my thoughts have been worked out. Sorry, but I have to think things…

    • The Week That Was - Ended Nov 29 by: Farokh

      December 1, 2009, 13:28

      Monday, Nov 23 Had an appointment to see the surgeon, Dr. Erin Kennedy. She was ecstatic. Have never seen her so amazingly cheerful. You look great she says.…

    • Thoughts and Prayers by: Farokh

      October 9, 2009, 10:05

      I am a Baha'i. Not as active as I could be but a Baha' i nonetheless. As such, we believe in God, and prayers. I wrote my brother at some point saying that…

    • Three Cats by: Farokh

      November 30, 2009, 19:38

      We have three cats in our house. You should probably skip this post if you are allergic to cats. Our cats have all been trained to come when you whistle.…

    • Time to try laxatives by: Farokh

      June 22, 2009, 19:06

      No change to system. Stomach growls a lot, but still constipated. Does not seem to get in the way of working for the most part. Rest in the afternoons hoping…

    • Two slices - only by: Farokh

      June 26, 2009, 19:13

      Off to Vaughn to fix Roses's computer. We talk, Have pizza. Can't eat much still. Comments are made about my weight loss, and the fact that I had only two…

    • Vacation begins on a high note by: Farokh

      July 21, 2009, 20:51

      Janet is very excited. The stuff she is writing is coming together with great ease. A lot better than she had expected. She has invited Ignacio and Martin for…

    • Vacation cut short, and we were having such fun! by: Farokh

      July 22, 2009, 20:52

      All hell breaks loose. Ogilvy calls, and Janet is on the phone all day, both talking and mailing. She has to go to NY the next day for a week. Our vacation is…

    • Visitors, food, more visitors by: Farokh

      September 13, 2009, 06:55

      Oh, what to do? All these people bringing us food. All these people visiting. Eat, drink and make merry as it where. Janet tells me the freezer is fuller.…

    • Visits by: Farokh

      October 28, 2009, 20:39

      I am often asked if people can visit. The answer is always the same, call me before you leave home to make sure I am OK. Don't call me the day before because I…

    • What happened to the Chausson aux Pommes? by: Farokh

      August 9, 2009, 09:35

      I start the day very tentatively. Not sure if the runs are gone or not. Still a lot of gas but little else. Janet went downstairs a short while ago. I follow…

    • What is going on? by: Farokh

      June 21, 2009, 18:56

      Wake up in the morning with a headache to kill all heads. I don't get headaches. Sounds weird, I know. I usually sleep them off when they do take place. Seldom…

    • What is the new normal? by: Farokh

      August 1, 2009, 07:19

      I am feeling fine, emotional, but basically fine. Janet goes to her Pilates club. I pack the car, run a couple of errands and pick her up. I pack my own lunch…

    • What kind of cancer do you have? by: Farokh

      October 12, 2009, 08:37

      I really do not know nor do I care. Does it matter? I cannot do much the type of cancer I have. Not like I can get a refund or anything. Nor do I have…

    • White Blood Cells by: Farokh

      January 4, 2010, 17:51

      Who knew these bastards have such an effect on a person. Today is Neulasta day. You can almost feel the energy draining from your body. Have I been…

    • Why? by: Farokh

      March 18, 2010, 17:30

      No cancer patient does not ask that question. Why? Why Cancer? Why me? Why now? There are no answers to these questions. Really not one. I…

    • World Cancer Day by: Farokh

      February 5, 2010, 10:54

      Yesterday. You read all abot it in the newspapers, saw the press releases. No? Surprisingly badly supported day. I was at the Chemo Daycare yesterday, and…

    • Yikes! by: Farokh

      December 8, 2009, 22:20

      Ran my fingers through my hair this evening. It is all coming out. Anyone want to have a head shaving party? I have been preparing myself for this event.…

  • Category: vacation  (11)
    • Conversations by: Farokh

      August 21, 2010, 11:22

      Some thoughts about the value of conversations

    • Last trip - Atlanta, October 22, 2010 by: Farokh

      October 29, 2010, 09:46

      We went to Atlanta to visit my brother and the rest of the family. My niece Khandan, and her family came up from Louisiana. My Aunt, Iran Joon and Habib, came…

    • Montreal - July 1, 2010 by: Farokh

      July 11, 2010, 14:03

      We took a week off Chemo treatments to visit friends and relatives in Montreal

    • New treatments by: Farokh

      August 8, 2010, 11:41

      What do you do with yourself when on Chemo vacation. The idea of the vacation is not a positive one. You are on vacation because the tumors have stopped…

    • New York Vacation - May 20, 2010 by: Farokh

      May 24, 2010, 15:52

      It was short. It was quick. It was fun. Ok, I will tell you more. We flew Porter from the Toronto Island Airport. Landed in the Newark International…

    • New York Vacation - May 21, 2010 by: Farokh

      May 24, 2010, 20:41

      I am waking up very early these days. I guess it is a result of getting so much sleep during the day. Not sure. I was awake around 6 and finally rose around 7.…

    • Oncologist Visit - Wednesday July 21 by: Farokh

      July 23, 2010, 15:08

      Seeing the oncologist and negotiating a Chemo Vacation for a couple of months. The news is overwhelming.

    • Poo by: Farokh

      November 5, 2010, 09:27

      We ended back in emergency on Saturday afternoon suffering from severe abdominal pain. These visits are now becoming part for the new normal. It is always…

    • Some thoughts by: Farokh

      May 19, 2010, 11:25

      I am going through a bizarre set of events. I keep thinking and thinking and the thoughts provoke new thoughts, and I reverse my position don't care about this…

    • Thanks to the Frasers by: Farokh

      May 9, 2010, 08:02

      As you may or may not know by now, we spent a weekend at the Fraser farm in Caledon, about an hour north of Toronto. They were not there. They gave us the key…

    • Vacation - Good news or bad? by: Farokh

      July 27, 2010, 17:36

      Chemo vacation brings its own set of thoughts to the surface.

  • Category: vision  (3)
    • A cacophony of noise by: Farokh

      April 2, 2010, 08:03

      Love that word. I am probably not using it properly. It was too good to pass up. Remember Minority Report? The movie in which people drove their cars up…

    • Thanks to the Frasers by: Farokh

      May 9, 2010, 08:02

      As you may or may not know by now, we spent a weekend at the Fraser farm in Caledon, about an hour north of Toronto. They were not there. They gave us the key…

    • Vision - or a lack of it by: Farokh

      April 17, 2010, 18:43

      This post started innocently enough and morphed into quite something else. Our country lacks vision. Our politicians lack gumption. They are elected for…

  • Category: why me  (1)
    • Abandonment by: Farokh

      April 17, 2010, 08:53

      Cancer is a strange condition to find yourself in. I have written about this before.  People react as if you are dead already. They are then quick to tell you…

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