My health is deteriorating rather too fast for my own taste. The steroids keep me from running out of breath, but I still find myself breathing hard too often. I am trying to figure out how much of this psychological, and how much physical. I am leaning toward the latter though would prefer the former.

Today has been very difficult. We started the day by going to the funeral home to make our arrangements. We have chosen the coffin and paid for everything. We then went to sign the power of attorney papers effectively giving Janet control of my life. Not that she has not had that unofficially for years, this was a mere formality. Finally, went to the cemetery and chose the plot.

The cemetery is located downtown. We were surprised to find that they still had space. The place was opened in 1830 and is almost full. It is near our house. You get to it by taking a circuitous route, so it is not always in view. Janet can walk to it quite easily. All the lands around it used to belong to the Lamb family. They gave a lot of it away and developed a whole other section. The cemetery is part of those lands, as is a small children’s farm called Riverdale Farm. I will be in good company with the cows, horses, and goats. There is a park in front of the farm in which there is the weekly organic farmers market. Seems somehow ironic.

Lots of traffic, which is a good thing.

Everyone is a bit surprised that we are making our own arrangements. Specially me. A lot of people make the arrangements expecting to die further down the road. To make arrangements with a couple of months left seems to have perplexed everyone.

It is surreal to walk into a funeral home and get a tour. Gee, that is the table I will be lying on. You guys will be sitting in those chairs. Don’t forget to wave. I may have a bit of difficulty waving back, but assume that I have at the very least, attempted to do so. We discussed the casket. Is there special music you want? Any other special needs? Will that be cash or charge? Done.

We had lunch, then made our way to the cemetery. Got a tour of the grounds. These are the plots that are available. You like? We have the location indicated in the above picture by the little yellow flag you can barely see. That is where the feet go.

Are you weirded out yet? We are having these discussions like it is normal. Something we do every day. We have now started working on the program. Who will be the MC? Say prayers? Eulogy? Do you invite people to say something at your own funeral? Do people get up and say what they want? Is there a protocol to all this? Does the protocol change when you are making your own arrangements?

I have chosen the pallbearers and am about to send out the eMails. I don’t even know if the people I have chosen are planning to go to the cemetery or not. I guess I am about to find out. You have to make sure the heights of everyone is close to being the same. I don’t want to fall out or anything because one person is too tall. Maybe I will choose 8 women. Hah! Still have a sense of humour, macabre as it is.

16 Responses to “A hard day – October 19, 2010”

  1. For the record – yes, I'm weirded out. But nonetheless love hearing your voice and perspective through the blog – another reminder of what a special person you are in my life. Hugs, Di

  2. You amaze me! If we cannot laugh what is left!

  3. such a light touch for a deep dark subject. I am speechless, breathless, at your fearlessness.

  4. I think 8 women is a great idea! I'm thinking most of these comments have come from many many women who love you!

  5. you may not be dealing with computer students in a classroom, but it's a classroom nonetheless, and you continue to be a teacher… how bloody extraordinary this ride is… I can barely imagine how surreal it is for you and Janet. thank you for letting us in close, so our hearts can quake together.

  6. You can huff and you can puff but nothing can blow your house down Farokh, you veni- vidi- vici person of our hearts xoxo

    PS: so glad you will have a tree and a farm nearby, could you advise us on matters agri from on High?!

  7. God bless you, Farokh.

  8. Why am I laughing? This really isn't funny! You're unbelievable!
    You gonna write a book on the protocols now? :)
    cya soon.

  9. "Yellow flag where the feet go". Any suggestions on attire, or … what if they're all wrong and you walk away from this arrangement? Can you get a refund?

    • I wish I could say they are all wrong. The lungs are proving otherwise. And no refunds. The space is reserved for two.

  10. I would love it if the doctors were wrong, Farokh, as I would have loved to meet you in person one day, rather than simply speak with you over the phone about a computer problem.

    I really like the sound of the space you'll be inhabiting, and I'm very glad it's close by for Janet.

    You're in my thoughts, and hugs are sent your way if you'd like them.


  11. Farokh, you have a tree nearby. Beautifuland natural last resting place. I have chosen all women pallbearers for me. Slowly telling each of them. But am having a tough time deciding what to wear. I figure something warm and snuggly and comfortable, although others say I should wear a suit but I tell them I'll be resting and certainly not going to work. Surreal, yes – inevitable, no. Always thinking of you.

    • Our caskets are closed. Our bodies wrapped in about 7 yards of white silk. Our clothing decisions have been made for us.

      The only issue with using women is of course the weight of the casket. I have been a pall bearer at a couple of funerals. Not easy. I am thinking of 4 men and 4 or 6 women depending on the amount of room that is available for people to be able to walk easily.

  12. When talking to a young child about death
    take comfort in the fact
    that to him
    much of what it means to die
    involves laying down with your eyes closed
    and waiting for someone magical
    to come along and kiss you.


  13. All that comes to mind while reading this entry is 'long after the bird takes wings from the tree, its song still whispers in the leaves'.
    So will your humor, passion, strength and smile linger deep within our hearts.
    I weep for the leaves but not the bird.

    By the way I am a strong 5'5" woman. In case you wondered!

Leave a Reply



You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

© 2010 I Have Cancer Suffusion theme by Sayontan Sinha