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Have you had cancer? Not that I would wish this on anybody.
Cancer creates a journey of discovery. About yourself, and others. About life, about your body, and just about anything else you would care to imagine.
The thoughts you have put forward are heard every day by every cancer patient. They are unfortunately, far from the truth.
Cancer will not have a cure until we can tell where it is coming from. We really have little knowledge of its source and its trajectory. Is it caused by stress? Or is stress just a factor amongst many that provoke it? From what I have read, there are a number of things that help activate cancer, and yet none are decisive. If stress were the activator, just about everybody in the Western world would have cancer by now.
Research on cervical cancer has revealed that it is a virus that helps the cancer invade the body. A virus that the person gets when they are in their teens. Having the virus does not mean you will get cancer, but not having it means you will not. Current research in breast cancer appears to reveal a similar situation, it is too early to tell. Could it be that the blood poisoning I got in Africa when I was 8 is contributing to my cancer? Could be. Or not. We just do not know enough.
My grandfather had stomach cancer. My mother lung cancer, and I am blessed with colon cancer and its complications. My mother had two brothers and a sister, none of whom got cancer. I have a brother and two sisters, none of whom have cancer. Why pick my mother? Why me? I am not being negative. But the question remains. Why would the cancer skip some and target others. There are no answers to these questions. It is just the way it it.
As far as I can tell, cancer cells live in your body, whether you have cancer or not. Something (s) triggers its awakening. It rampages through your body and does whatever damage it can until it is stopped. Can we stop it by mere imagination? By Faith? By believing? I do not think so. I am a very religious person. Not for a second do I believe that this some sort of punishment from God, some sort of retribution. If that were the case, all prisoners would be afflicted with cancer. I am also a very positive person in my outlook of life. By some reckoning, too positive. I do not lack the imagination to make things go away.
Cancer appears to be the only condition to evoke the emotions you have expressed. Other chronic conditions seem to slide under the radar. I wonder if it is because there is so much cancer in the world. In every country, and it is so debilitating. There are stories of victory, of sorts. People who get back to work in four months. But the other stories, the ones of people dying, being debilitated, are far more pervasive. We just do not want to hear about them. A lot of cancer patients retreat from their community. In some cultures, shame is poured on the patient, as if it was their fault.
Cancer is also not curable because there are so many different kinds of cancer, each with its own challenges. I was taken off pain killers only seven days after my operation. Am I that strong? Another cancerous friend was taken off pills in only 4 days. She is obviously stronger than I. The nurses and doctors did not have answers. Our bodies are different, our reactions different, our tolerances different. We just do not know enough. What we do know, is to tell the patient that we do not know. Some cancers respond better better to treatments than others.
I tell all who listen, that I would be a healthy man if it were not for the caner. I was walking around the bedroom this morning. Looked in the mirror, and there is this bag hanging from my waist. An unmistakable reminder of what I and so many supporting friends and relatives are going through.
There is no shortage of love, affections, thoughts and prayers in my life. I have a truly bountiful existence supported by far more people than I ever thought was possible. All helps, but none will cure, however much I or others believe. I believe I can fly and leap off a building, only to plunge to my death. Belief is wonderful and carries you only so far.
Change my life? In what way? Easy to say, easy to think it is possible. But in what direction? Everything we do has ramifications that appear to be greater than anything we could have possibly imagined. Who is to say which direction is right or wrong. I know of people with cancer who did not change a thing. Their cancer went into remission. Others changed and did not survive. We just do not know enough.
My life has changed dramatically already. In ways I could never have foretold. What more?
Baha’is believe that science and religion are equals. Neither reigns supreme over the other. They are equated with being the wings of a dove, balanced and equal allowing the bird to fly. I had my Chemo session last Thursday. Apart from brief excursions, I have been in bed since exhausted from the experience. I should be alright by tomorrow morning. I will lunch with a friend on Wednesday, and Thursday, and Friday. All friends helping, doing their part.
My oncologist believes in wellness. He pointed out that he can only do so much. Up to me to do the rest. I should say, up to us. I could never do it on my own. I repeat that it is the support of friends and relatives that keep things moving along. I agree with my oncologist. I try to stay as positive as is possible. I try and stay active. I try.
I am ranting a lot. I am afraid that is just the way it is.
