Sunny outside. No hospital visits planned. We can pretend this is all happening to someone else. We decide to make a day of it .

I have a massage booked for 10:30 at the Asha Massage & Ayurvedic Healing on Danforth. The charming Megan is going to make me feel better. I am not big on massages. I have had a couple, Shiatsu mostly. Had a Thai Massage when we were in Hungary in 2003. They tried to rip us limb from limb. It was fun though not quite what I expected from a massage. Megan is a lovely young lady who takes a bit of time to get to know me and find out why I am there. I have to fill out one of those forms in which they ask you about your health. This is the first time I have to write down that I have cancer. It is a weird feeling. She asks me how long I have had cancer. Oh, only since last Tuesday. That is even weirder.

The massage is a therapeutic one. She presses all sorts of pressure points in the body to release tension in other parts. It amazes me how little attention we pay to our own bodies, and how little we understand the relationship between the various parts. We talk quite a lot. I have a lot of trouble relaxing totally. She is very good. She does not stop me from talking and we chat about all sorts of things. I leave feeling quite relaxed and energised.

Janet and I have lunch with Morris (Janet’s dad). He is still surprised by my condition. Walk around a bit. Go shopping at Winners for new pants. I have lost so much weight, that I need smaller size pants. All my shirts are hanging on me. Not sure if the weight loss is permanent. Sure looks that way. A year of chemo is not going to encourage me to put on weight, I don’t think.

Janet is always asking me if I am OK. Specially between assignments or targets or whatever you call these things. I am fine. Feeling amazing in fact. We park the car and go inside. I try on a pair of 32” waist pants. Funny how clothes are still not metric. They are too small. I laugh at my absurd optimism. Then don’t feel so well. Get Janet and we go home.

I am having a hard time adjusting to my new life. I feel fine one second and crash the next. I still cannot tell when the exhaustion will set in, and tend to overdo things. How can a person lose this much energy is such a short time frame?

We go home and I lie down. Not a happy camper.

The next couple of days are pretty much the same. Do some stuff, see people, and lie down. Rest, eat, talk, rest. Great life, n’est-ce pas?

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